Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Bachelorette: The Highlights

Sorry I missed The Bachelorette last night (trust me, I'm just devastated). But I did catch up on what happened last night and I share my thoughts.

First, Bentley confirmed my assumption of his toolishness. He repeated a bunch of times last night, "She's just not my type." So, why are you on the show? He also mentioned that he would hate to plan a wedding with her, and that when he kissed her it was alright, but the end sucked (he seems rather charming, doesn't he?).
Here's a picture of this major tool bag.
I'm a tool.
Looking at him, it is obvious to me that he's a jerk. Clearly Ashley doesn't have an ability to detect jerks, because he's still around. Check out something she said about him last night.
"I have a pretty good radar in terms of somebody who's not being sincere, and I'm seeing such sincerity in him."
Really? You saw sincerity in him? Where? Because it is quite obvious to everyone else that he is only there to promote himself and his baby/blanket, Cozy (this still gets my nomination for worst name ever). Also, Ashley was warned by Bentley's ex-wife that he was there for the wrong reasons, yet she was dumb enough to keep him around.

Ashley was also dumb enough to keep The Phantom around for another week. Yipee.
If I have to, I will marry you in this mask.
So there you go. This show gets me every time. Seeing people fall in love in a course of 6 weeks gives me hope for my future - hopefully one day I, too, can be the Bachelorette and deal with tools like Bentley and The Phantom.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Sean Kingston and Movies

Yeah, those are completely opposite topics, but I figured why not group them together.

Let's start with Sean Kingston... As you may or may not have heard (hopefully not, I love feeling like I'm breaking news), Kingston was in a jet ski crash with some girl and was severely injured. According to TMZ, he is out of the Trauma Unit and into Intensive Care Unit.
Luckily for Sean (and the rest of us), The Biebster was there to wish for a safe recovery. What would we do without this little pop star?

Onto movies... The top of the box office this weekend was The Hangover Part II. I think that movie looks terrible, and according to a reliable source (namely, my hair stylist), it was not very good. But I'm not shocked that it was top of the box office. Following it was Kung Fu Panda (which was supposedly better than said Hangover sequel).
The same crap happens again. And we're shocked.
This looks a movie we can skip. Agreed? Another one to skip is "Thor." I saw that last weekend and it wasn't great (I love superhero movies, but this one was a bore). Only go see if it you plan on seeing "The Avengers" next year. Which I plan on seeing.

That's all for now, folks!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

News I Missed This Week

Since Blogger has been down for awhile, I may have missed posting some important information (really important, because you need to know).
Let's break it down.

Story #1: The Biebster's Tattoos
It appears that our little pop star is growing up and getting some tattoos. Here's a picture of one of them.
Jesus is on my side.
You're probably wondering what that lovely tattoo means. It is Hebrew for "Yeshua," otherwise known as "Jesus." Look, I'm all about personal expression and yadda yadda (I have nothing against tattoos, I think they can be pretty rad), but I think it is really stupid when people get tattoos of languages they don't speak. I'm pretty sure The Biebster isn't Jewish (because they don't believe that Jesus was the son of God, I used to be Jewish so I know), nor does he read or understand Hebrew. For all he knows, that could actually say "Devil."
Here is my reasoning as to why it's ridiculous for people to get tattoos in languages they don't speak or have any connection to: Let's imagine you (I'm pretending you're a white American) get a tattoo on your back that says "family" in Japanese. You probably got it because you like the symbols, they're cool looking. Now, imagine a Japanese man getting the word "family" tattooed on his back in English. Weird, right? That's my logic. Boom.

Story #2: Kim Kardashian is Engaged
She's engaged to some guy named Kris Humphries (I don't know who the eff this guy is, but he plays basketball or something). Here's a picture of her and her giant ring.
So, apparently this ring is super expensive. According to ABC news....
"Designed by Kardashian's friend, celebrity jeweler Lorraine Schwartz, the reality TV star's newest accessory includes a 16.5 carat emerald cut center stone flanked by a pair of 2-carat trapezoids. NBA baller Humphries reportedly dished out $2 million for the diamonds, to Kardashian's delight. "It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," she told People. 'It's perfect.'"
Yes, you read that right, $2 million for an engagement ring (I want to see a normal person spend even close to that much on a wedding ring) that she will probably only wear for a few months. How much will the wedding ring cost, $4 million? But then again, she'll probably only wear that one for a few months too... Harsh, but true. Kim and Kris have only been together for 6 months, so using my marriage theorem.... They'll last about 3 months.

Story #3: Tony Romo is Marrying Candice Crawford
"Who is Candice Crawford?" You must be asking yourself. According to my sources (and by that, I mean TMZ), Candice Crawford is Chace Crawford's little sister. They are getting married in a few hours, according to my schedule, in Texas. Here is their massive tent in which they will be wed.

And here is a picture of the lovely couple.
She looks just like Carrie Underwood. Not a coincidence.
I'm kind of hoping that Tony wears his football uniform instead of a suit. That would make for one memorable wedding! Good luck to this couple, and may their marriage last as long as Tony's career (assuming his career lasts awhile, although I could actually care less about either).

Last, Story #4: Apparently, Scotty isn't Dating Lauren...
But she just might be dating him. According to the NY Daily News, Scotty said,
"Everybody keeps asking me about the smooch. She told me she was gonna do that before the show. She's a character, isn't she? We're really close friends. I don't know about the dating part. She's just being funny. She's such a sweetheart. We've grown so close. It's a special relationship we have."
It sure is special, Scotty. It sure is. Especially considering what Lauren Alaina said about the dating speculation.
"I kissed him on the lips, yeah. He might be my boyfriend, he might not be my boyfriend. I'll never tell! Secret's safe with me!"
So this is clearly a one-way relationship (Lauren Alaina just really wants to make her sister/mom proud by dating a good, Christian, Southern boy). I broke the news on Wednesday night about their possible romance, and I'm happy to say that I just might be right (in fact, I probably am right). Just look at this young, Idol couple.
This is our "special relationship."
 What? You need more proof? Here ya go. Here are some picture they took backstage.

Done and done.

Enjoy the news!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

American Idol Finale: And the Winner Is...

James Durbin!! Oh, wait, I may have have forgotten that he's not in the finals... How disappointing...
So, in reality, Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina and her sister/mom are anxiously waiting to see who will win season 10 of American Idol. I don't really care who wins. I just hope it's not Lauren (she's way too annoying).

So let's get on with it! I can't wait to see Paul McDonald and Twitch on the stage again. I've been waiting for this since they got voted off.

Why are both Lauren and Scotty dressed in all white? Are they trying to seem pure and clean? But he's Scotty McHottie...
Who is it going to be?
The Top 13 are singing Born This Way. I'm just so excited to see Paul! He looks so cute. God I love that man... His jacket is so frickin cool, and so is Twitch's jacket.
Yeah, I'm not even going to comment on the singing (it sounds terrible). But seeing Paul was the highlight for me, and everyone else, I'm sure.

James Durbin is performing with Judas Priest. How legendary is this?? Wow this must be so cool for Twitch!! I'm pretty much amazed they got Judas Priest for him. He's so in his zone, I love seeing our darling James like this. Plus, his jacket is rockin' and so is Judas Priest's singer's jacket. What an awesome performance (he really sounds good too)! I still can't believe America sent him home... Lame.
I kind of wish James were singing with Iggy Pop.
America, you'll miss me.
Montage of Randy Jackson, The Dawg. It was pretty hilarious. He's in it to win it!! What, what.

"Now let's bring out the guy who took us to church this season," says Ryan. Jacob "I Gyrate for Jesus" Lusk is singing with his hero. Jesus?! Wait...it's some gospel singer I don't know. I haven't missed this guy one bit (actually I take that back, I've missed mocking him). Jacob stuck to his regular shtick and made hilarious faces (while preaching to us). The only redeeming part of this song was that they were showing the number to donate to Red Cross for the tornado victims. That is really awesome.

Cabrams is performing! He looks rather sharp in his suit (but he grew out his hair and beard, not good). He's singing with Jack Black! This is so awesome and hilarious. This is a hilarious performance, and Casey and Jack actually sound rather good together. Especially when Casey starts scatting with Jack.
Best. Performance. Ever. (on American Idol)
I was so amused. I guarantee you I will watch that performance again after the show is over.

The Ladies of the Top 13 are performing next. Fun?
They have decided to destroy "Single Ladies." But, I can't help but feel like something is missing... Andy Samberg dancing in a leotard (that is necessary for any rendition of this song).
I guess this is actually a mash up of Beyoncé songs. All the girls look really skanky - stripper heels, short skirts, too many cut outs in shirts. My mom says they sound too "Glee," and my dad says "How could it not?" They really know what's up (seriously).
Whoa! Beyoncé is joining these lovely ladies to show (most of) them what talent really looks like. I love Beyoncé, she is too awesome for words.

Montage of Steven Tyler. He is nuts-o. They called him the loose cannon, but he was only like that during auditions and stuff, not the live shows. He is too funny.

Haley Reinhart is singing with Tony Bennett. My dad said, "He's about 180." Excellent. So this match-up is pretty awesome. I bet this wasn't Haley's first pick, but they sound really good together. Look, if I could've picked from the Top Three for who should win, it would be Haley (even from this performance, it's so clear she's more talented than Scotty and Lauren).

The most beautiful woman in the world, Jennifer Lopez, has a montage up next. She's excellent, and all the guys loved her (I'm pretty all the girls do too).

Lil Jon and the Top 13 girls! Guess who loves Lil Jon? Me. I know, it's shocking. But after seeing how awesome he is on The Celebrity Apprentice, I love this guy! That said, I'm not really a big fan of his music, but I like him as a person. This isn't entertaining with these two women I don't know. Weird.

Scotty da Body is singing "Live Like You're Dying" with Tim McGraw.
 This is gonna be awesome for our country boy (I want to see him wear a cowboy hat! Please). I realized Scotty has no clue what to do with his hands when performing, so he kind of does awkward things with them.
This is a really awesome performance. Scotty must be so excited that he's paired up with such a huge country star. I really like Tim McGraw.
My parents have been chatting about how he already has the makings of the star. It's very true! (He just needs to return to his fluting ways, it's undeniably awesome.)

We have that annoying announcer guy showing us clips of terrible singers we didn't see before. These people are hilarious.

Mark Anthony is performing. I'm guessing with JLo because she's not there. And I was right. I missed most of this performance, but it was pretty good for what I saw.

They're talking about being eliminated. Casey is hilarious, I adore this guy. Twitch and Cabrams "arguing" was super funny. I want to meet both of them. But not Pia, she's way too annoying (nice sash, sheesh).

Top 13 guys. Paul! I can hear his voice, and gosh I love him (sorry for all this gushing, I've just missed him). He's singing! My heart melted when he sang and did his charming dancing. Lordy I can't wait to see him in concert... Twitch sounds awesome, too. Why didn't this guy win? Please remind me?
I just remembered how much Paul hates choreographed dancing, and it's hilarious to watch him, because at times he just won't do it (or he'll look at the others to remember what to do).
Tom Jones is joining the boys. How fabulous. I could see him and Paul singing together. Speaking of PMcD, want to see a picture of him? You know you do.

How cool is this? Ford had the finalists invite their favorite teachers to the finale. That is super cool. And they got new Ford cars for their teachers! Really, really awesome. (As an aspiring teacher and someone who has been inspired by many teachers, this is amazing.)

Lady Gaga is performing live? This will be awesome. Look, I kind of love the Gagster, but what the eff is she wearing? That looks really heavy on her head. But, let me be honest, I really like this song... It's pretty catchy (and her voice is actually amazing!). She really knows how to put on a good show. This was awesome (and bizarre, but that's what makes her so appealing).

Lauren Alaina is up next with "Before He Cheats," probably singing with Miss Underwood.

Ugh, Lauren cannot sing this song correctly. I'm no music expert, but I know what sounds good and what doesn't. Carrie sounds amazing (as usual). To date, she's my second favorite Idol winner, David Cook is my first favorite. Or maybe they're tied...
This song was great. Why? Because Carrie Underwood was singing most of it.
Montage of the top 13 talking about Scotty and Lauren. Paul! They're all making fun of how old (or young) they are. Casey said we made him feel stupid, I'm sorry dear boy!

Beyoncé is singing again. And because she asked, I'll allow her to sing this song, "1 + 1" (or "One Plus One"). She informed us that doesn't know much about "algeba," and apparently not much about English, either. Look, I always adore Beyoncé because she's so awesome, but I had to mock her here.

I'm going to make a guess and say that I won't be seeing Paul sing with his idol (or his band, which I had secretly hoped for) tonight. Sad. Now there's really no reason for me to continue watching. But I will, for you, America.

Hey guess what! American Idol try outs are coming to my city. I think I'm going to try out, watch out for me.

I cannot believe they got U2. That is amazing. My friend just saw him in concert this past weekend and said it was awesome.
When Spiderman flew down, my dad said, "It's Bono!" And my mom said, "It is?" Classic. Spidey actually has a really good voice. But you can't match Bono, he has an amazing voice (it's just so stunning).

Steven Tyler is performing "Dream On." This is going to awesome! Guess what? If James hadn't been sent home in the top 4, he'd be on that stage with Mr. Tyler. But he's not. How disappointing. This was so awesome (I've always loved this song)!

Now it's time. The moment you've been waiting two hours (and a few months) for.
The winner is.......
Scotty McCreery
Thank the Sweet Lord Baby Jesus that Scotty da Body, Flute Extraordinaire is the winner of the 10th season of American Idol.
And guess who Scotty thanked first? The Lord. He got him to this place, not his fans, naturally.
Oh gosh, Scotty totally blew off Jack Black's hug. That was hilarious.

Whoa, whoa! I should add that it looked like Lauren Alaina kissed Scotty after they announced his win. I'm going to start the rumor that they're dating.

Congratulations, young man, you deserve this. You're very talented and will be a huge country star. Soak it all in!

I'm your winner, America. And you will love me.
So that's how it ends, folks. With Scotty McCreery as our winner. I'll see ya'll this summer on tour! Good night.

The Voice: The Battles, Part 3

So I'll start this recap with a quick review of last week (sorry I missed it, it was my darling mother's birthday). Here we go.
Blake's Team: Jared Blake
Christina's Team: Beverly McClellan (So far, this team has two bald-headed women. I'm really observant.)
Cee Lo's Team: Nakia
Adam's Team: Javier Coon

These newbies are joining teammates Patrick Thomas, Frenchie Davis, Vicci Martinez, and Casey Weston, respectively. Let's see who else makes it! Woo hoo.

Christina's Team
The battlers: Raquel Castro vs. Julia Eason. This is sure to be a good one (I can only assume). They'll be singing "Only Girl (In the World)" by Rihanna. Awesome.
So Christina loves these young dynamos. She seems super excited about both of these powerhouses (I'm really just using the words that the show uses, I find them absurdly descriptive).
I should add that Raquel is already a star (kind of). She was in Jersey Girl with Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. You don't need this terrible show!
But she really wants Christina's awesome advice for singing. I have advice for them - please stop singing. Both of these girls are so average, and neither of their voices sound very great to me. They're kind of pitchy (to borrow from my dawg, Randy).
Onto the showdown!
Raquel sounds kind of off at the beginning of the sound, so does Julia. They're both trying way too hard to sound original. Especially Raquel, she's putting some weird kind of strain on her voice that sounds so forced. Julia is trying to hit all these weird notes, and it doesn't really work for her. I hate this. Why am I watching this show?
My predicition is Raquel, because she's cuter than Julia, and Christina probably wants a cute girl for her team (no offense to Frenchie or Beverly).
After some really intense deliberation, it has been decided...
The Winner: Raquel Castro
Yes I was right. I couldn't be more proud. Here she is!

Blake's Team
It's gonna be Dia Frampton vs. SeraBee (this is the funniest name in this whole competition, I bet her parents were major hippies. Oh, her dad was a preacher, so never mind). "Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes is the song they will sing.
Reba is helping Blake with this tough job of helping out the contestants. According to him, Reba is one of the biggest stars in the world (really? She is?), so naturally she would be on The Voice.
So these two women are complete opposites! Craziness. Hence, they must compete. I kind of like Dia, her audition was decent, and she's a songwriter, which is a major plus for me. SeraBee is going to be annoying, I can promise you that (vocally and personality-wise). SeraBee might have a difficult time with this, since she's used to singing to full people with the Holy Ghost. Awesome. Dia is rather soft when singing, so she probably won't be able to stand up to SeraBee's overpowering vocals.
Let's compete.
Someone scrubbed off SeraBee's tan for this duel (this was actually a good decision). Dia did awesome in the beginning. I actually rather enjoyed her singing, she's unique without being forced. SeraBee is being way too annoying. Her random voice changes remind me of Jacob Lusk, and I'm beyond annoyed with her singing. She's trying way too hard to upstage Dia, and by doing so, she only made Dia seem much more talented. This was a really bad pairing. Just crazy (not in a good way).
My pick is Dia, she was actually very good.
I think the other judges agree with me (other than Adam). Cee Lo thought it was bizarre, and so did I. Weirdest pairing ever.
The Winner: Dia Frampton
I'm two for two today! This is excellent. Here's our timid singer/songwriter.

Adam's Team
The Singing Warriors (I'm digging this term, I may continue using it): Rebecca Loebe vs. Devin Barley (boo, I hated him. His voice is annoying). They'll be singing "Creep" by Radiohead. Guess what? I know this song...from the video game Rockband.
Adam and Adam are going to be aiding these blossoming stars. Devin needs extra help because he doesn't know this song (maybe he should have played Rockband). If they want to help him out, they should tell him to change his tone. It's so awkward and pitchy. Not a fan. Rebecca seems excited about singing this song, and I can dig that. Also, she's a folk singer, and I really love that right now due to my obsession with Mumford & Sons. Adam seems excited about them singing this, but judging by their practice, I'm not on the same page.
The Battle of the Singing Warriors.
Please don't ruin this song for me... Ugh. Devin sounds terrible! He is so pitchy, especially at the end of words. He cannot hold a note for the life of him. Rebecca sounds pretty good, I'm not a huge fan of her's. I think Adam should've picked a Mumford song (Rebecca could've done well with that). Oh lordy, Devin seriously sounds terrible throughout most of this song. If he wins this, I'll be shocked. His tone is very bizarre and verging on whiny.
As I'm sure you can tell, I think Rebecca should win this one.
Blake tells Adam to never separate them (I disagree). Christina loved Devin, especially for his choruses. We must have been watching two different performances, because he only sounded good when Rebecca was singing, and even then... Cee Lo mumbled some nonsense about cohesiveness (seriously, can anyone understand a word he says?).
Adam Levine is so torn! It must be so hard to do his job.
The Winner: Devin Barley
Really? That really just happened? Bad choice, Adam. And now I'm two for three. Here he is.

Cee Lo's Team
Our Singing Warriors: Tori & Taylor Thompson vs. Kelsey Rey. (Are the sisters a package deal or something? Buy one, get one free.) They will be tackling "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. Good luck, girls.
So the sisters are pig farmers and Kelsey is an internet sensation. I don't even know what to say...
Oh lord, the Thompsons Girls totally screwed up during the practice. I'm going to assume they're just lucky enough to have decent voices, but aren't really talented. Kelsey, on the other hand, seems more talented than Tori and Taylor. Also, rehearsal sounded pretty bad, or at least the part they showed. They don't harmonize very well.
Alrighty, into battle (I'm so glad Tori and Taylor prayed before performing, that's obviously necessary).
Kelsey wins. Yes, I decided that from the first lyric. She's already better than the sisters. Yep, Tori or Taylor (I don't know who is who) just affirmed that when they sang. They sound really bad, almost like they're talking. Like Devin, they can't hold notes and have a rather pitchy tone. Kelsey sounds pretty darn good, though. She has a better tone and understands how this song goes. When all three of them sang the "oh, oh" part, it was bad. Really bad.
Okay, so Kelsey wins this one, duh.
Adam thinks this was too cute. I'm not sure if that's good or not. Blake agrees with me, while Christina would choose the pig farmers.
The Winners: Tori & Taylor Thompson
Wait...seriously? He chose the pig farmers turned aspiring singers over the actually talented singer? Well, alrighty then. Here are the newest additions to Cee Lo's team.

Awesome. I still don't understand how the coach/judge thing will work in the live shows, but I'll just wait and see.
That's it! Tune in tonight to see who wins American Idol. Scotty da Body or Lauren and her sister/mom. Coming soon, to this blog.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

American Idol Top 2: The Final Showdown

Alrighty, America. Let's get this thing over with. I don't even care who wins, so, I'm ready for this shindig to end.

I am so glad they called out a doctor to explain Lauren's vocal problems. I would've been lost without that.

Scotty da Body, Flute Extraordinaire
He is singing "Gone."
So my friend (who hates country) pretty much just said she doesn't want him to win. This song was a pretty good rendition, better than his previous. At least he didn't do drugs this time.
So they've ignored the judges. Which is fine, they don't do much anyway.

Lauren Alaina
Ugh I didn't like when she sang "Flat on the Floor," and I don't like this one either. But she did pop a vocal cord (thanks doctor!), so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
But they give her way too much hair and makeup. She's 16!!

Scotty McCreery
George Strait picked his own jam, "Check Yes or No." Why'd you pick this, sir? This wasn't a great choice. It's way too hick-y sounding for this guy to be singing. Not a huge fan of this performance (but, hey, I'd prefer him to win over Lauren Alaina and her sister/mom).
By the way, sorry my reviews are shorter than normal. My friend kind of hates American Idol, so we're trying to speed through this for the sake of her sanity.

Lauren sans Sister/Mom
Carrie Underwood chose "Maybe it Was Memphis." Never hear this one before.
Ugh why is she in a cupcake dress?? She is 16 years old and on American Idol, not 6 years old and on Toddlers and Tiaras.
My poor friend is about to shoot herself in the head. And I don't blame her. This song is not great for her, it sounds like something Paul McDonald would have sang, and done a better job with. I really don't want this girl to win. She has a very annoying voice and personality.

Wait, there's some judging going on?
Randy is praising our voting skills (I'm not, I still despise some of America for sending home PMcD and Twitch). He thinks Scotty had a "slight edge" on Round 1, and Lauren won Round 2.
JLo loves Scotty and Lauren. She agrees with Randy.
Steven Tyler thinks they're all beautiful. Whoa, is he a semi-pedophile? Lauren won both rounds because she's prettier than Scotty. But the real question is: Who is prettier between them and Lauren's sister/mom?

Okay, Taio Cruz + Lasers = Not Good. I skipped through this.

Scotty da Body
This is his new single! "I Love You This Bit" is the title. He didn't even write it, it was outsourced. Boo.
Prepare yourself for emotions. I can already tell you this will be terrible when it starts with "I may be young." Yuck. I hate songs like this, I really do. But our darling Flute Extraordinaire sounds great, as usual. His voice is so country, and people seem to love it (but I love the violinist, I'd vote for him). So, Scotty Boy redeemed himself at the end with the great note. Those teenage girls that so happened to be at the front seemed to love it! Awesome.
The judges just adore him. Naturally. Oh, and he's in it to win it (thanks, Randy, this is the finale).

Lauren Alaina
Her single is "Dear Sister/Mom." Oh wait, it's not? Darn it. It's actually called "Like My Mother Does." (I think she should rename it what I suggested.)
There is some dude playing the mandolin! Awesome. These songs are seriously terrible. Whoever wrote them should be fired immediately, if not worse (I can't even imagine how much Paul is mocking these lyrics). I'm bored! How gentleman-ly of Ryan to help Lauren down the stairs.
The judges are setting this young lady up to win. And she doesn't deserve to. She's way too annoying to represent our country in the singing world.

So, I don't care who wins, as long as it isn't Lauren. If she wins, I'll be kind of upset.

Sorry there are no pictures tonight. I'll post more in depth tomorrow night. Off to watch Glee (and save my Idol-despising friend). Toodle-oo, America! Vote for Scotty!

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Bachelorette: Ashley Meets the Desperate 25

Alrighty, it's time for the show of scripted love, The Bachelorette. I kind of hate this show, but I watch it anyway.

Two forewarnings:
1) I make fun of this show, a lot. That is really all I do. You will see a lot of hilarious nicknames and comments from me and my mom. If you truly love this show, you will hate this recap (seriously).
2) I'm excellent at picking the winners. Last season of The Bachelor, I saw the opening episode and said, "Emily is going to win." She did. I did the same with Jillian and Jason's seasons. Maybe I'll do it again.

So we open with a montage of Ashley's heartbreak from last season. So devastating.
And then they show us her interpretive dancing to the devastation of her breakup with Brad! Oh, and they show her wearing tons of skimpy outfits (hence, she's the bachelorette). Now Ashley babbles on ridiculously about some cheesy crap, and 25 guys, and how she is lucky, and all that fun stuff. Here's the lovely (?) Bachelorette.

Let's meet the men.
Ryan P. - He is a sappy, tree hugger who is in the solar industry. He seems like a hippie, who needs something "perfectly sunny" in his life. That was lame (or he's just really high).
JP - Construction worker in NYC. He's going home next week. I can already tell he's boring.
Ames - Yale, Colombia, and Harvard? Then the Bachelorette? That's what's next for you? I think he's too smart for her.
Ben C. - He's from New Orleans. Guess what? I like him. He's a chill guy.
Ben F. - Dude this guy is cute and laidback. He might be my pick to win... He's guarded, wants to find someone nice, he's the perfect pick (by the producers).
Bentley - He's the tool bag. So my mom said he's Mormon. But, he has a daughter named Cozy. Cozy?! Was he naming a child or a blanket?
Anthony - He's a Jersey Butcher. There's something wrong with the tip of his nose. Not to be rude. But maybe he cut it while butchering something.
West - Whoa! Great name! So, this guy was married before to a lovely lady. Unfortunately, she passed away, and that seems to have hurt him. West has a great story! He might win too...
William - He's the boy-next-door. So he has a pretty bad track record with girls. He's pretty cute and funny. He also stares at himself in the mirror intently. Poor guy's dad died. Oh goodness, he's a front runner too. I'll make my pick for winner at the end of the episode. Stay tuned!

So, Ashley blabs on to Chris Harrison. Then, shocker! Ashley talks about how Bentley's ex-wife told her he's not on the show for the right reasons. But clearly she doesn't give a crap, as long as he's attractive (Ashley pretty much said this, so she's relatively shallow).

Ashley Meets the Guys. Let's separate the complete tools from the semi-tools.
•Ryan P. - Mr. Hippie Cheeseball just met his sunshine.
•Jon - Tool Alert. Ashley loves his tie though, so he's a winner.
•Lucas - He's a classy Southern gentleman (this isn't a bad thing).
•William - Remember him? He's on my Possible Winner List.
•Mickey - Mouse?? He's a MAJOR tool. He just tried to kiss her.
•Tim - He looks rather stuffy and awkward. He's going home tonight.
•Ben C. - He's from New Orleans! And he speaks French. I like him.
•Stephen - He's gay (hairdresser kind of lent to that assumption). Or just socially awkward.
•Chris D. - He's cute, but kind of tool-ish. And he can't rap.
•West - He's on my list! "West?" "Yeah, opposite of East, slightly North of South." Love his introduction! He's moved up on my list. One of the few non-tools. And he gave her a compass stuck on west. I like this one.
•Anthony - He's a major tool. He looks like some actor or something and I cannot place it! It's killing me.
I remembered!!! He looks like Ben Affleck  to me, at some angles. Other angles he looks like David Schwimmer. My loco mother thinks he looks like a young Nicolas Cage.
•Rob - He looks like a dweeb (I just love this word).
•Ames - Mr. Smarty Pants. I'm sorry, but I don't think Ashley is smart enough for this triple-Ivy Leaguer.
•Matt - He's kind of tool-y. And he does a handshake. Bye, bye Matt.
•Jeff - He's wearing a mask. Does he know this isn't a masquerade theme? My mom said, "What a dork." This isn't Phantom of the Opera.
•Ben F. - I like him! He seems like a sweetheart. He's on my List!
•Frank - He winked at her. Tool alert! Yech.
•Michael - He's kind of boring. A little funny.
•Chris M. - He bleaches the top of his hair. He might be European, or a tool.
•Ryan M. - He has a camera. He's kind of cute, but he looks like he should be in high school.
•JP - Mr. Boring. Hopefully he gets interesting.
•Nick - He must be the double of Matthew McConaughay (?). But a lot redder.
•Blake - He's the fellow dentist. This must be fate!
•Bentley - So Ashley thinks he's super hot. But she clearly didn't watch the previews, because we all know he ends up being a complete jerk.
•Constantine - She loves that name? Why? He's not very cute. I think he's going home tonight.

There's Ashley's 25 men! I bet she's overwhelmed... It's too much for her to handle (I'm sorry, but I don't like her. She seems extremely vapid).

All the Crap in Between (I'm really only going to say all the crazy stuff that goes down, or info on my Top 3 to Win):
Ben F. - Gotta dig this guy. He's studying wine stuff, in his words. I dig this guy because he's chill. Also, I definitely saw him on the previews for in the future.
Matt makes Ashley call his mom, Gale. She sounds like she has about 10 cats and does a lot of homemade pottery (but she's a little racy, sheesh).
Michael doesn't really play the guitar, so he throws it in the pool. I wish he actually played the gee-tar (I can't wait until I learn to play the banjo, and play it on The Bachelor, when I apply).
William is like an adult child.
Tim is raging drunk and is making a fool of himself. Nice job, you're a huge tool. So, because Tim is so drunk, Ashley understands the pressure he's under (oh, naturally, so much pressure) and sends him home before the ceremony. How unfortunate, he seemed like a real winner.
The Phantom (of the Opera) is ready to rock his mask off. I hope he wears this mask the whole season.
Ashley loves the name Cozy. I don't think she realizes Bentley is talking about a child, not a blanket.

First Impression Rose:
Ryan P. aka Mr. Sunshine.
Awesome choice.

Who Goes Home:
Ben Affleck (Anthony)
Tie Guy (Jon)
Gee-tar Guy (Michael)

So, naturally they had to keep Bentley around for awhile. Drama is needed for the viewers (the ones who think all of this is real).

My Pick to Win:
Ben F. I swear to you, America, this man will win. And if he doesn't, then I'm sorry I was wrong (but I'm usually pretty psychic with this show).

Dear Ashley, I have such a difficult time taking you seriously. Your voice is extremely annoying, and I wish I could watch this show on mute. Holy sweet Jesus.

The End.

Jennifer Lawrence Debuts Her New Look for "The Hunger Games"

If you're like me, then you're completely pumped for "The Hunger Games" movie to come out (if you're not like me, then I'm sorry, at least in this case). I am in love with the book series, and I am ridiculously excited for the movie, as well.

So, the lucky lady playing Katniss is Jennifer Lawrence (you may know her from "Winter's Bone," but probably not). Lawrence made a huge splash with aforementioned movie, and is also starring in X-Men: First Class, which I will also be in line to see. When she was picked to play Katniss, people were apparently enraged because she's a blonde, as you can see below.

But, some people clearly forgot about the wonderful invention of hair dye, because here is Lawrence, a brunette and ready to kick ass in the Hunger Games.
Whoa. She looks just like Katniss (at least in my mind).
Let's also take a gander at her lovely co-stars. First up is Josh Hutcherson, who is playing Peeta Mellark (please note: I'm pretty sure he hasn't actually dyed his hair blonde yet, this is just a fan photo depicting what he'll look like).

I think he's the perfect pick for Peeta, because I can definitely see him as the tough, love interest of Katniss (plus I used to think he was super cute). Hutcherson has evolved into a great actor, going from "RV" to "The Kids Are All Right," which looks like a fantastic movie.

Next up is the male playing Gale (oh, look at me rhyme). You may recognize him from "The Last Song," but I sure don't. Liam Hensworth!
He's a hunk, isn't he? I kind of wish he were playing Peeta, but I'll deal with it. I'm not the producer.

Next, playing Effie Trinket is Elizabeth Banks (love her!) and playing Haymitch Abernathy is Woody Harrelson (Robert Downey, Jr. was rumored as Haymitch, and I kind of wish he were playing him). Here are these lovely actors.

Can't you just picture Banks as an annoying lady from The Capital who says stupid things (like "Remember, pressure makes pearls"), and Harrelson as a drunken, old Hunger Games winner who coaches Katniss and Peeta? Because I can. And I mean both of those things in the best way possible.

And last, portraying Cesar is Stanley Tucci (that is perfect casting, right there), and Katniss' little sister Primrose will be played by Willow Shields (who?). Take a look.

So that's it, folks. Your wonderful cast for "The Hunger Games." Stay tuned, because I will most likely frequently discuss this novel-turned-movie. Also, tonight I will blog about The Bachelorette, America's favorite show about failed love!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Quotes: From My Hero, Stephen Colbert

Dear Readers, I can only assume if you are fan of this blog (or just happened to stumble upon it), you are also a fan of Stephen Colbert. Going on this assumption, here are some quotes from the most patriotic man I've ever made my hero. Onward.

"So for Lent, I'm giving up Catholicism. But which non-Catholic religion to pick? They're all equally wrong..."
"All for you, not-Jesus."
"Who knows, maybe I'll be a Scientologist. I've always wanted to be in an action film."
"I believe that this nation is the most American country the United States has ever seen." (I have used this quote in two essays. One of those may or may not have been on my AP English exam.)
(Talking about a global warming conference) "Well you balance it, experts and ministers."
"Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority."
"There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell."
"Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family."
"Happy Birthday, Charles Darwin...in hell."
"If you non-Catholic Christians are upset, well just have your Pope issue a reponse. Oh that's right, you don't have a Pope. Because your faith is defective. Sorry, Catholicism is clearly superior. Don't believe me? Name one Protestant denomination that could afford a $660 million sexual abuse settlement. I think that Lord has spoken on this one."
"I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are."
"Changing 'French fries' to 'Freedom fries' was arguably this Republican Congress's greatest accomplishment."
"Once again, scientists are telling us what 'may' have happened. If they had any balls, they'd just say this is what 'did' happen, with or without evidence. That's what the Bible does."
"I'm disappointed that my own Catholic Church has decided that capital punishment is wrong. Which is pretty hypocritical if you think about it, because they wouldn't even have a religion if it wasn't for capital punishment."
"Success is being consistent...ly against what Obama says."
"When it comes to fighting AIDS, George Bush: great president or greatest president?"
"If February had any balls, it would be 3 days longer."
"Hey America, nice ass!"
"We're called America the Beautiful, not America, 'Well, At Least She Has a Nice Personality.'"
"If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it."
"If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke."
"All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ."
"I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl."
"So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns."
"What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns?"
"I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory."
"I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake."
"I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of."
"The truthiness will set you free!"
"I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what are the facts."
"Hey, what if we pulled out of our own civil war? We'd still have slaves! Why do you hate black people? Air tight logic!"
"In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant, ... One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'"
"A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? Consonant or vowel? Make up your mind, we're at war."
"An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough."
"Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I'm a freaking lunatic."
"Now, isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?"
"I dare say Gore's movie is the highest grossing PowerPoint presentation in history."
"Isn’t a centrist someone who doesn’t have the balls to be a fanatic?"
"Congressmen are gonna need a hell of a name. Something bold. Something sexy. Something with a little more zazz than F.E.M.A. Here's what I propose: the Storm, Accident and Viral Emergency Unconditional Relief-Support and Emendation of Loss Federation (S.A.V.E. U.R.S.E.L.F.)"

I hope you have been enlightened by the genius of Stephen Colbert. Enjoy these quotes, they just may change your life.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

American Idol Recap: And Then There Were Two...

Okay, America, it's time to see if you made amends for sending home the wrong person last week. Do me proud! And this.....is American Idol.

My choice to leave:
Lauren Alaina (please, please send her home)

Mom's pick:

Dad's pick:

They don't want to her go home, but they kind think she will. Unfortunately...

I saw P McD in the audience again. Guess who is missing from Paul's side? Nikki Reed. Wanna know why? Because he didn't want me to be jealous anymore. How sweet.

Gotta love "Super Eight" promotion, I love it when tv shows tell me what movies to see and products to buy (I'm easily manipulated). James Durbin was with the top 3! It's only been a week, and I'd missed him. The cool part of this montage? They got old school cameras! I really want one.

Wow Elle Fanning is annoying. She sounds like she can't breathe when she laughs. Cool, her 6 year old cousin is almost as obsessed with American Idol as I am (except I picked someone with talent as my favorite).

Haley's hometown visit is up next.

It's pretty cool that all those people showed up to support her in the rain. I love when Haley said to that one girl, "Wow, thanks for freaking out." Haha classic. Visiting her family was cute, as was visiting her high school (if I ever got onto American Idol and did that, I would have lost it). I love it when Haley performs with her whole family! My mom said, "They're talened like our famiy." This may or may not be true...
Haley's bodyguard was hilarious and huge.

Holy crap who the eff is Il Volo??
This is for real. This is actually happening on American Idol.
My mom asked if this real. Wow all these guys are super nerdy looking, and not in a cute way.
Okay, American Idol producers, what empowered you to invite these guys onto the show? Your audience isn't the opera enthusiast kind. My parents and I have many questions; Are they really singing? How old are they (the chubbier guy looks like he's 12, but he has a wedding ring on)?
I can't believe this is really happening. No one knows how to react to that. That was easily the most bizarre thing I've ever seen on this show (and that's not saying much).

Scotty returns home to prepare for the rapture.

How many girls between the age of 10 and 18 do you think showed up? I'd assume about 98% of the crowd was teen girls. Sheesh. (By the way, that larger girl who freaked out by seeing Scotty in the car may or may not be me in July when I see Paul McDonald.) Aww Scotty da Body is crying! How cute is that? He's a great kid. And Scotty makes a return to the grocery store.
Guess who surprised our Flute Extraordinaire when he was singing in front his thousands of weeping girly fans? Josh Turner! That was the best moment ever. He turned around like he knew who it was, then just about crapped his pants when he realized it was Josh Turner. Classic.

Nicole Sherzinger and 50 Cent are up next. So Nicole is trying out the solo thing again. I can already tell you that this song will be terrible right after she opens her mouth. Could Nicole sound worse? I think not. Also, the poor girl also never learned proper English. "Me like the way..." no, sweetie, it's "I like the way..." If you're going to sing a terrible sing, please do it with correct grammar. I missed the end because I was getting cake. Sorry.
So, tonights two performers couldn't have been more different. I don't understand who they were trying to appeal to. Because, as someone with impeccible taste in music (I've been told, by myself), neither of those performances appealed to me in the least.

Lauren Alaina and her sister/mom are headed on down to Georgia.
Jim Jim is taking me to prom.
Lauren's going to jail! It's probably because she sang that song with "evil"
in it. Hey, if this girl got a day, can I get a day for me, too? I chose my birthday.
Wow the wreckage was devastating, and I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for her to see her hometown like that. That little boy was amazing (and adorable in his tie)!
What a cute hometown montage. That might have been my favorite one because of the emotional stuff from the tornadoes. Terrible.

Who's getting the boot?
Damn you Ryan! Make us wait until after the commercial break? Evil.
Okay, for real this time:
Scotty da Body, Flute Extraordinaire has made it to the finale (duh, I could have told you that from the first time he auditioned).
Leaving us tonight is: Haley Reinhart.
Well darn it. America, you've let me down again.

Haley's final performance was great. I hope she does good things with het career. Guess who we got to see again? Jacob "I Gyrate for Jesus" Lusk. I can't help but wonder how he'll prepare for what may or may not happen this weekend (spoiler alert: Jesus ain't coming to visit).

So it looks like Lauren Alaina and her sister/mom will be competing against Scotty, Flute Extraordinaire next week for the crown. Who will win? Who will lose (hopefully Lauren)?

Tune in next week to see my awesome recap of the Finale. Adios, amigos!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

American Idol Top 3: Idol Post Durbin

Dear America,
I'm still pretty mad at you about what happened last week. You've really made it hard for me to trust you again. First, you break my heart by sending home Paul McDonald (I'll forever miss him), then you further break my heart by sending home James Durbin. I may or may not ever forgive you.

I should officially start by saying that this post may be extra snarky. There is no one left to root for! A flute extraordinaire who doesn't know geography? No thank you. An annoying teenager who has a sister/mom? Double no thank you. A semi-talented, unique singer who isn't consistent? Maybe, thank you.
I'm sure you can tell that the only one I'm rooting for is Haley. If Scotty or Lauren wins, I'll be rather upset. (Just to be clear, I don't want any of these Idols to win, I'm just picking the best of the worst.)

Let's begin.

I liked the beginning montage of hometown visits. Scotty da Body was eating a donut, and seemed too cool for his fans. He isn't. Sheesh. I just told my parents that I want someone from hometown to be in the Top 3 American Idol next season so that I can go to the celebration.

Dude! They kept Durbin Day! Good. Twitch deserved to have a day dedicated to him (remember: Twitch is a term of endearment!).

First Round: Contestant's Picks

Beyoncé is their mentor. How rad is that? She was super cute. But guess what? Whenever I hear her song "Single Ladies," I think of this lovely clip:

Hahaha classic (I love Andy Samberg, I want to be like him one day. And Justin Timberlake is awesome).

Scotty da Body, Flute Extraordinaire
I really love this plaid shirt.
 "Amazed" by Lonestar
So, Beyoncé pretty much loves the young Scotty, and would break up with Jay-Z for him. Look at this country boy, Lady Gaga and Beyoncé both flirted with him.
Hey Scotty, stop wearing that plaid shirt every week. Wow I'm bored. Again, Scotty McCreery's voice is shocking to me, but it's not the best of his tonight. He over pronounces his words (that's the best way I can think of putting it), and he doesn't have much stage presence. Plus, in this performance, the background singers upstaged Scotty. Come on, man, step it up a bit! You won't win with just a decent song like that. I'm yawning.
Hey JLo...what does bravado mean? Because I couldn't hear whatever that is in his singing.

Lauren Alaina

"Wild One" by Faith Hill
Beyoncé pretty much just said Lauren is boring when she doesn't sing fun songs. Amen, sister! Lucy Lovelace needs to loosen up.
Why the giant earrings?? Stop that, Idol stylists! My mom and I think the stylist needs to be fired (I'll do it myself if I have to).
So let me start by saying the beginning wasn't great. She was a little shaky with her notes and it just sounded off. Lauren kicked it up in the middle, but then she faltered again. She doesn't have much confidence in her abilities, and it shows. This was a rather mediocre (verging on bad) performance. Hit the notes correctly!
Why the eff are the judges sugar coating her performance? They're sprinkling her with compliments she doesn't necessarily deserve. Jennifer seemed like she wanted to say something critical, but she was probably zapped by the producers so she wouldn't say anything honest.
My parents and I have agreed that we don't want Lauren Alaina to win. That would give me a heart attack.

Okay, Steven Tyler keeps mouthing random things to the camera. Weird.

Haley Reinhart
"What is and What Should Never Be" by Led Zeppelin
Beyoncé pretty much said that Haley probably won't do very well with this song, but that she might be able to pull it off. She also digs her raspiness and tone (as do I).
Whoa Haley sounds great at the beginning of this song. Her voice is stunning, and sounds beautiful a Capella. How cute! Her dad is playing the guitar, when she sang, "my daddy," she pointed to him. Adorable. Oh my gosh!! The poor thing fell! But she pulled it off pretty well. So, I know a lot of people are going to be critical of this performance. But I loved it. Haley has such a unique tone and a stage presence that helps her performance. I thought this was one of her best to date. That was great. And Haley's dad was rocking out. They were great together, and it was super neat she got to have that moment with her dad.
I loved that Randy and Steven stood up for her, how sweet. As Randy (and my dad) said, "You're in it to win it!"

Winner of Round One: Haley Reinhart
Congratulations, you get my stamp of my approval. Plus, she is the pick to win at my household (well, we want her to win).
Guess who agrees with me? Randy. And JLo. And...not Steven? I couldn't understand what he said.

Round Two: Jimmy Iovine's Picks

Scotty McCreery

Haha nice audition clip. They've polished  him up, no more sandals and longer hair = more young girls falling in love. Steven Tyler's comment was the best moment ever on this show.
Jimmy picked "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?" by Thompson Square. I'm sorry....who?? My dad pretended like he knew them (he doesn't).
Scotty is busting out the old guitar for this one. He sounds so ridiculously country in this song, and I guess it works for him. But if he continues making ridiculous faces, then people will get annoyed. I really hate how Scotty says P's, D's and other letters such as that. He's trying way too hard at the end to sound authentic country! He's Mr. Consistent. This may be good for him, but I don't like that.
I think the judges love him (duh). JLo wants him to shave his head again. Why? He'll look even more like Alfred E. Neuman.
Scotty's in it to win it! Thanks Randy Dawg.

Lauren Alaina
Audition clip: Guess what? This was pretty much the first and last time I was a Lauren fan. Actually I really only liked her when she was singing with Steven Tyler. As my dad pointed out, she hasn't sang that well since. And, uh, the judges were wrong about Lauren being the best of Nashville. I think we ALL know Paul McDonald was the best (obviously).
Jimmy's pick for Lauren: "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. Guess who loves this song? Me. Guess who is tempted to fast forward through this in case she ruins it? Me, again.
Blech! Lauren made the beginning of this song boring. She doesn't sound nearly as good as the original, and that makes me upset. She can't hit the same notes as The Band Perry. Plus, Lauren's tone isn't nearly as interesting as the original. The ending was better, but she hit some notes harshly (like "knife" and "put" and etc.). I'm not a fan of this performance. Not very good, Missy. I realized that Lauren's not as polished or as soft as The Band Perry (I don't know how to word it, but she's almost harsh and soft at the same time).
JLo, what the eff? Lauren has the most beautiful tone of the rest of the contestants? Is that a joke? Because, uh, that's not true.
Lauren's sister/mom seemed to love that. She just can't stop smiling. Botox?

Haley Reinhart

Haley's audition was good. Hey, how cool that she was told to come back and audition again, and now she's in the top 3. This performance is exemplary of her true talent and uniqueness. I love her tone and attitude. I hope she wins.
Jimmy's pick (I want it to be Mumford & Sons): "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac. Whoa, good choice, Jim Jim. Let's hear her bust it out.
Wow she sounds beautiful at the beginning. Her voice is haunting and stunning in the slower parts. So, the wind was kind of cheesy. After the win kicked in, I'm not as impressed with the rest of Haley's performance. There are parts I really liked, and I guess those would be the beginning and the end. Those last few words were good. My parents felt that Jim Jim picked the wrong Fleetwood Mac song (I guess I kind of agree), and it couldn't top the first performance. I agree, but I still liked it.
She's in it to win it!! Haley should really beat out these children.

Winner of Round Two: Haley Reinhart
Sorry, guys, but it's true. And it's not just because I'm her new biggest fan, I really think this.
My parents think Scotty. Dad said "He slayed it." Yeah, dad, you're too cool for school.

Beyoncé semi-premiered her new video for "Who Run This World (Girls)". I'm not even sure what to say. It's a really strange video, and I'm not a big fan of all the weird sounds in the background. But Beyoncé is an awesome dancer. She's empowering girls everywhere (I'm going to take over the world now).

Round Three: Judges' Picks

Scotty da Body
Let's take a trip to Garner with our boy Scotty. The judges chose "She Believes in Me" by Kenny Rogers.
A slow song? Really judges? Do you want him to lose? Sheesh. I love the orchestra in the background. So, the beginning of the song was good, I was actually entranced in his voice. But when Scotty kicks it into gear, I get a little annoyed. Again, I think it's because he powers through P's and D's and such. I don't know, America. Scotty will naturally be a huge country star, but his performances are blah (really blah). I could maybe listen to his record, but I might not be able to watch him. The upside? McCreery packed tons of emotion into this song.
My parents think JLo is cute. But she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
Just throwing this out there, but Scotty and his dad should do a duet of babylockthemdoors.

Lauren Alaina
I love prom.
Let's head on down to Rosfull, Georgia with Lauren and her sister/mom to find out her song selection. Giddy up! Their pick: "I Hope You Dance" by LeAnn Rimes. So, this is mine and my mom's song (yeah, it is), so she's gonna ruin this one for me, too.
Guess who's going to Prom for the second week in a row? Lauren Alaina!
Ugh, America, I almost don't want to listen to this. The beginning was terrible, she hit the notes all weird and I was disappointed. Then at the end, she tried to change up some of the notes by going high and low and kind of raspy (I think that's what it was). Lauren tried to be too original, and she wasn't. Sorry, honey. The other big problem? Lauren didn't back this performance with any emotion. I didn't feel the emotion in her voice, which you can feel in LeAnn Rimes' version.
Randy says Lauren slayed it and is in it to win it. But of course! All the judges are wrong. JLo, I doubt she won the round (I don't care if you got "the goosies"), and Steven, she is not comfortable with herself. Ya dumb.

Haley Reinhart
In it to win it.
 I hope you slay it, diggity dog! In Chicago, Haley learned her song is "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette. Do it up, chica.
So, it isn't starting off too strong on the stairs. Then it seemed like Haley forgot some of the words, but it's mostly because she had to sing so fast. But this girl definitely kicked it into gear in the chorus! She has so much energy, and she definitely did better at the end. I almost feel this was a cruel pick by the judges, because it must have been hard to sing those really fast parts. But she pulled it off! Haley fo sho nailed the ending. As the judges have repeated, the choruses were great. She has tons of soul and rocked it out.
She's in it to win it! It was beautiful! Golly gosh, judges, thanks for your awesome and helpful judges.

Winner of Round Three: Haley Reinhart or maybe Scotty McCreery
I figured I should throw some of da Body in there because it was solid (duh), but I just really like Haley.
See how Lauren didn't win a single round? That's because she ruined two of my favorite songs. Go home, Lauren! And take your damn sister/mom with you.

So, tonight worked pretty well in Haley's favor. Scotty da Body did well, because he's consistent and too good. Lauren showed all of her weaknesses and will hopefully get the boot.

That's it, America! I'm still mad at you, by the way. Without James, tonight was pretty boring. The most excitement we got was Haley tripping on stage.
Good night, ya'll.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Movie Review: Bridesmaids

So today was my darling mother's birthday, and since I happened to have the day off (thank you, Graduation), we went to see Bridesmaids. It was a wonderful day, and a wonderful movie. Here was the poster to the movie:
So, from left to right, these were the actresses:
Melissa McCarthy, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ellie Kemper, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Rose Byrne.
Let me tell you something, these ladies were absolutely hilarious. I adore Wiig and Rudolph from Saturday Night Live, and their relationship in this movie was wonderful. It reminded me of the relationship me and my best friend, Laura Mora, have, and hopefully will have many years down the road (they're hilarious together, as are my friend and I).

Review time!
This movie was wonderful. Yesterday my dad told us that he heard a waitress saying that Bridesmaids was even funnier than The Hangover. And let me tell you something...she was right. I loved The Hangover, but Bridesmaids was hilarious. The friend-chemistry between Wiig and Rudolph in this movie is endearing and hilarious. You sympathize with Wiig's character because of how dull her life seems, but then she meets Chris O'Dowd's character (who is ultra charming and cute, you may or may not know him from the show The IT Crowd), and their relationship is great.
Naturally, chaos ensues as Wiig's character tries to compete with Helen (Byrne's character) for the friendship of Lillian (Rudolph), because Annie (Wiig) has been best friends with her since they were kids. Helen seems to upstage Annie in all aspects of the wedding, and one of the funniest scenes of this movie comes during the engagement party (at least, I think that's what it was).
One of the other funniest characters was Megan (McCarthy). She is the sister of Dougie, who is marrying Lillian. She is large and in charge, and she doesn't mess around. Some of the funniest scenes and lines of the movies come from her, because she speaks her mind and is rather hard headed. I couldn't tell you anything else McCarthy has been in, so I pleasantly surprised to see someone I don't recognize making me laugh so darn hard.

Final word:
You should definitely go see Bridesmaids. It is so hard to find movies that achieve the balance between side-splittingly hilarious and endearing, but Bridesmaids did this. You will fall in love with Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph all over again (as well director Paul Feig and producer Judd Apatow - thank you for bringing this movie to us!), and you might just laugh so hard you cry. I know the older ladies sitting next to me did. They were appalled at some parts, and made disapproving comments whenever John Hamm's character showed up again.
This movie has an 89% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but in my opinion it deserves more. Easily 9 out 10 stars! Go see it!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Guess Who Decided to NOT Run for President?

I wish that this title could have been plural, as in "Guess Which Three People Decided to NOT Run for President?" That would make this post extra exciting, but I guess one will do (and this one is a biggie).

If you've already heard, pretend I'm breaking the news right now. So, the person who decided to NOT run for president is, drumroll please.....

I'm too rich for you, America.
Yes, America, feel free to let out a collective sigh. This orange haired and skinned man has decided to not run for President of this great country (thank Jesus H. Christ!). So why do you think he decided to not run? Because I'm almost positive it's because he didn't want to release any information about his economics or taxes. That could be terrible for him as a candidate and a businessman.
But enough of my speculating, let's see what The Donald said for himself (thank you, CNN):
"After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the presidency. This decision does not come easily or without regret. I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election."
Naturally, he would have won. He probably would have won and then taken over this country and made us all into Trump Robots (this was his new business idea).
So, again, why did he decide to not run?
"Business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector."
 But of course. I'm super glad he's not running, because we need him for business, and the Celebrity Apprentice. Without him, what would I watch on Sunday nights? Nothing!

Look, I have a theory as to why he really decided to not run. Because Obama and Seth Meyers embarrassed the crap out of him at the Correspondents dinner on April 30th. Seriously, they slammed him. It was beautiful. And Trump hated it. Take a look:

Mr. President Obama slammed Trump. Amazing. 

Seth Meyers just put his name on Donald Trump's hit list. Worth it? I think yes. My favorite line: "Mr. Trump has been saying he'll run for President as a Republican, which is surprising since I had just assumed he was running as a joke." Boom.

So, America, you're welcome. I have broken this news, and we can all thank Donald Trump for not running for President. If only we could convince Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann to do the same...
In the meantime, here's a great picture of The Donald's hair (?):

Names of the Week: Sarah Dessen Edition

It's time, once again, for Names of the Week. This time I shall continue with my honoring of Sarah Dessen and do names from her books.
The main two names will be from absolute favorite of her books (one which I've read 7 times), "This Lullaby." Here we go!

Remy (girl)
Origin: French from Latin
Meaning: "oarsman"
Character in the Book: In "This Lullaby," Remy Starr is the main character. She is relatively rebellious and very strong headed. Remy does not "believe" in love because her mom has been divorced multiple times, and in this book, she is moving onto her 5th marriage. But, Remy's feelings and thoughts about love are challenged when she meets the charming Dexter. Wonderful stories insue!
Why You Should Use It: Remy is a relatively unique girl's name. Although it's primarily a boy's name, it definitely has a feminine feel to it that many are attracted to.
Why You Might Not Want To Use It: It could be a boy's name. And it could be associated with Remington Guns, or something.

Origin: Latin
Meaning: "right-handed, skillful"
Character in the Book: In "This Lullaby," Dexter Jones is the lead singer of the quirky band Truth Squad (who wrote a song called "The Potato Opus"). Dexter meets Remy by chance and they keep seeming to run into each other. Dexter is quirky, charming, and all around a great guy. So, does he change Remy's mind about love? Read the book to find out!
Why You Should Use It: Dexter isn't a very popular name, and it's a classic. Dexter is quirky and cool, and you should really use it before it explodes in popularity (in 2010, it moved into the Top 500 names, jumping 89 spots to #454). Plus, the nickname Dex is rad. It's cool and quirky, just like Dexter.
Why You Might Not Want To Use It: Naturally, people's first impressions of this name will come from TV serial killed Dexter Morgan, from Dexter. This may or may not be a reason for you to turn away from this name.

Other names of main characters (girl & boy) from Dessen's books (titles books are in parentheses):
Haven & Sumner ("That Summer")
Halley, Scarlett & Michael ("Someone Like You")
Nicole "Colie" & Norman ("Keeping the Moon")
Caitlin & Rogerson ("Dreamland")
Macy & Wesley "Wes" ("The Truth About Forever")
Annabel & Owen ("Just Listen")
Ruby & Nate ("Lock and Key")
Auden Penelope (just thought I'd include her middle name) & Eli ("Along for the Ride")
Mclean (mc-lane) & Dave ("What Happened to Goodbye")

What? You want MORE? Okay, fine, I'll put more of the awesome names from Dessen's books.
Lydia, Gwendolyn ("That Summer")
Macon, Grace ("Someone Like You")
Isabel, Mira, Caroline ("Keeping the Moon")
Boo, Cassandra ("Dreamland")
Chloe, Ted ("This Lullaby")
Bert, Delia ("The Truth About Forever")
Clarke (g), Sophie, Mallory ("Just Listen")
Cora, Harriet, Reggie ("Lock and Key")
Hollis (b - Auden's brother), Esther, Clementine (a shop, after Dessen's daughter's middle name), Thisbe, Heidi, Magge, Belissa, Abe ("Along for the Ride")

As I'm sure you have learned from this, Sarah Dessen chooses amazing names for characters in her books. This was part of the reason I started to love her books.
And those were the names of the week!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Adventures: The Day I Met Sarah Dessen

Dear Blogosphere,
Thursday night was amazing (apart from the whole James Durbin thing). I met my favorite author ever, Sarah Dessen, at my local Tattered Cover and it was truly magical. Here's my story: "Close Encounter of the Dessen Kind." Boom. I am clever.
Here it is, folks.

Let's go back to last weekend. My mom and I were buying a book for my dad's birthday (which happened to be mother's day, as well), when I saw it: a display of Sarah Dessen books with a sign that told me she would be at that Tattered Cover on Thursday at 7 pm. I immediately knew I must go.

Fast forward to Thursday, and my mom and I went to Tattered Cover at 6:30. I thought we'd be early, but we were some of the last few to arrive. Shocking. I went and bought her new book, "What Happened to Goodbye." It looks fantastic.

Then, at 7, Sarah comes out in front of all of these admiring fans. I was really excited. Sarah goes up to the podium (chyeah, she had a podium), and read the beginning of her new book. She said, "The best part of reading the beginning of a book is that you don't have to explain anything." Oh Sarah, you're wonderful.
After reading part of this book, she started taking questions. (Before this event, I had been thinking up questions, and I had one about names that I wanted to ask but I was hesitant.) So when she said this, I turned to my mom and asked her if I should ask my question, she said yes.
I didn't get the first question though. Lame. The first question was, "Who were your favorite characters you ever wrote? Boy and girl?"
Sarah answered something along these lines: "I love all of my characters. They all become like people to me. For girls, probably Remy from "This Lullaby" because she's the least like me [at this point, I turned to my mom and squealed, yes squealed, and told her Remy is my favorite]. And for boys, I love Dexter and Wes, and I know they're popular among readers. So is Owen, though, and I love him, too." Yay! She went on for awhile longer, but those are the main points I remember.

After she answered that question, she said, "Anymore questions?" I took a breath and raised my hand. When she called on me, I said something along these lines (what I actually said may or may not have been coerent): "Dearest Sarah, what excellent choices. Remy and Dexter were also my favorites of all your wonderful characters. But my question is, how do you choose names for your characters? Because I love all the names you have chosen, and I have often pondered why you chose such beautiful names." (This was probably exactly what I said.)
Sarah's answer was pretty much something like this: "Wow, what a great question [she actually said this]. I get inspiration for names everywhere. And usually I get the name first and then create a character around the name [I turned to my mom and excitedly said, "Me too!"]. Like once I read in Us Weekly that that guy from ER, Noah Wyle, named his daughter Auden. I loved it! So then I thought, 'What kind of person would Auden be?' 'Who would name their daughter Auden? An English professor.' Then for Dexter, in college I knew a guy named Dexter Roadhouse (or something like that) who was a musician, and when I was looking for the perfect name for a musician, I immediately thought of the Dexter I knew. So he has a character named after him, and he doesn't even know it." She took a few more minutes to answer my question, and I'm pretty sure she thought I was awesome.

The only other question I can remember is someone asked if she had a lot of input in the movie "How to Deal," which was based off of her first two books "That Summer" and "Someone Like You." Mandy Moore starred in the movie, and Sarah Dessen said that it's because of Mandy that she has a bunch of stuff and sales. Then she went on to say that she's practically obsessed with Mandy Moore, and that it might creep her out a bit. Then my mom turned to me and said, "When you go up to Sarah, say, 'Mandy is to You, as You are to Me.'" Oh, how hilarious.

Also, Sarah Dessen mentioned American Idol twice. Could it be any more perfect that she's my favorite author? I think not.

Then the lady at Tattered Cover announced it was time to get in line to have Sarah sign our books. We were numbers 56 and 57 out of 60-something. So when I finally got up there, the conversation went a little something like this...
Me: "Your shoes are so cute!"
Mom: "Yeah, they're really cute."
Sarah: "Oh, thanks. I tried them on Nordstrom's but they didn't have them in my size. So when I got to my car I ordered them on my iPad from Zappos."
Mom: "That sounds like something I would do."
Sarah: "Oh and I really like your necklace! Who made it?"
Me: "My neighbor."
Sarah: "That's cool! I have one like that made by Ellen A-something or other. It has my daughter's initials, SCR."
Me: "Sasha Clementine." (oh gosh, I was a little embarrassed I said it so quickly, too.)
Sarah: "Yeah!"
Me: "I just love her name."
Sarah: "Oh, thank you."
Me: "Oh yeah, Sarah, there's something I want to tell you. Your books are what inspired me to start writing."
Sarah: "Oh that's great! What do you write? Short stories, novels?"
Me: "Well, I write novels. But it's gotten so hard to with school getting in the way."
Mom: "Yeah, but now that school is almost out, she'll have time to write again."
Sarah: "That's great! I'm actually writing another book right now, but this [book tour] is great, because sometimes taking a break is good to then come back to it. Oh, and thank you! It means a lot to hear that."
Me: "Oh gosh, no, thank you!"

Then my mom took this lovely picture of me and Sarah Dessen. We thanked her and left.
I'm pretty much thinking this was the best day ever.

It was a magical day, I tell you. Truly magical. Go read her books! I love Sarah Dessen, and you will too!

Tomorrow (or Monday, we shall see), I'm going to do a post on names from Dessen's books. Stay tuned!