News: JLo, Bieber, and Ron Artest (For Now)

Let's begin with Jennifer Lopez
Apparently, her husband Marc Anthony wants her to quit judging American Idol next season to "spend more time with him and their children." Really, Marc? That's your argument? JLo is making bank being a judge (if that's what she still wants to be called, but I think they should change the name to "I-Don't-Want-to-Hurt-Your-Feelings-Too-Much Semi-Judge), and that helps out the kids, right?
I mean, she is a celebrity, so she might as well do what every other Hollywood mom does: Hire a nanny or three. Who needs a mom when you have a nanny?

Go swim in the ocean, kids. Your new nanny is now responsible.

The Biebster
This guy...crazy. There isn't much a story here, I just thought it was funny. But pretty much, J Biebs wore a shirt of Tiffany Thiessen (from "Saved by the Bell"), so she wore a shirt of him. Crazy!!

Ron Artest (For Now)
If there is one thing I don't understand about sports, it is the desire for the athletes to legally change their names, or to start being called something different. It's just stupid.
Some past examples: Chad Ochocinco (Chad Johnson - this one just takes the cake)
Magic Johnson (Earvin Johnson)
The Rock (Dwayne Johnson)
Tiger Woods (Eldrick Woods)
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (Frederick Ferdinand Lewis Alcindor, Jr. - changed after converting to Islam), Nene (Maybyner Rodney Hilario - don't blame him)

All of these examples are pretty ridiculous, no? Well, now Ron Artest wants to change his name to, wait for it... Metta World Peace.
Are you kidding me?! How egotistical must one be to have the desire to change one's name to include World Peace? Every time I hear his name announced during a game, I will probably die of laughter.

I think I'm the shit.

PS: Tonight I will do another, much anticipated, Mumford & Sons post. (Please join the Church of Mumford.)

News I Missed This Week: From Babies to Other Random Stuff

Well, as I said before, I was in Mexico this past week, and I was unable to do up-to-date blogging, so I did pre-posted blogs (which I'm sure you enjoyed). But wipe away your tears, because I'm back. Let's get the ball rolling.

Babies
Who doesn't love babies? No one. And who loves babies the most? Hollywood. Because I swear to Jesus H. Christ another celebrity baby is spit out every week or so. The best part is that celebrities have babies, then hire nannies to take care of them (this means they only have this child responsibility for 9 months, then they're done. If only it were really that easy). So let's see which celebrities welcomed a new little one into the world this week...
Joey McIntyre (of New Kids on the Block, for those like me who had to Google him): Kira Katherine
Pink and Carey Hamilton: Willow Sage
Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany: Agnes Lark (joining big brothers Kai and Stellan)

Guess who had no idea that Connelly was pregnant? Me! I had no clue. I love Connelly and Bettany, and I was so shocked to learn they had a baby. But congrats to them! And double congrats for picking an excellent name (Agnes isn't my favorite, but I like it. Agnes Lark is just wonderful, and in my opinion ten times better than Kira and Willow).

This shot is just proof for myself that she was actually pregnant.

Pink had her first child, and gave her a totally trendy name. But hey, what the heck! As a celebrity, you can name your child Diva Thin Muffin for all anyone cares (true story, look it up).

More Babies
Two things I love: babies (duh, see above) and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently, Harris and his partner take festive photos of their twins, Gideon and Harper, every month. Here is a sampling.

 

If I should ever have twins, I am doing this. Seriously. Neil Patrick Harris has a good idea with this embarrassing/funny pictures thing. I knew he was awesome for a reason.

Teen Mom
If you're like me and enjoy watching trash TV about teen moms, then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about here. Let's begin with Amber Portwood, the (not so) lovely mother of the (not so) cute Leah Leann (not a joke). This crazy lady abused her boyfriend in front of her child and cameras, and was ordered to court. Apparently, they let her off easy. Instead of jail time and a $10,000 fine, here are her punishments (according to Ace Showbiz):

"Entering a plea that kept her off jail, she is put on two years probation by the Indiana judge who also ordered that she undergoes 30 days of inpatient therapy. Amber is also to obtain her high school diploma and put $10,000 in a college fund for her 2-year-old daughter."

I was hoping for jail time, and maybe even some deal with custody. Watch the show, she's a terrible mother (hence why teenagers should not have children, they're stupid).

Alec Baldwin For Mayor
Awesome. Apparently, Alec Baldwin is considering running for mayor after New York Mayor Bloomberg's term is over (how do you think this will work out?). I think Baldwin is awesome on 30 Rock, but golly gosh, how will I ever ascertain how he will do as mayor? I know! Let's ask Chevy Chase. Chevy.

"I don’t think (running) is going to happen, I don’t see him wanting that necessarily, unless he thinks that can be a road to the presidency or something, but I don’t see that happening at this time in his life. He’s doing pretty well already, but I tell you this. This guy’s really intelligent and articulate and knows what he’s talking about."

Awesome, now I know who I'll be voting for (should I ever move to New York). But seriously, my strong opinion is that celebrities should NEVER be in politics. It didn't end well for The Governator or The Donald. Take a hint, The Baldwin (or one of them).

More Krazy Kim Kardashian
See what I did there? I'm so clever.
Now that Kris Humphries (again, who?) has proposed with his mega-watt ring, Kim feels the need to protect herself with prenuptial agreements. Apparently, everything Kim has now is protected (including her home in Beverly Hills and all the money she's made), and anything she makes during the marriage she will keep should it fail. So, if it ends in divorce, Humphries gets nothing but a lot of tabloid coverage.
He probably should have adjusted that to have at least gotten back the diamond since it cost so much darn money. But whatever, celebrities are stupid.

We'll last longer than Paul McDonald and that Nikki girl.

So there's that.

Enjoy the news!

BREAKING NEWS!!!

For me, maybe not for you. But apparently I missed something HUGE while I was in Mexico (darn vacations, always getting in the way).

Paul McDonald and Nikki Reed are engaged... When I first heard this, I wanted to laugh. They've been dating for, count them, THREE months. Who gets engaged after three months? Crazy people (sorry P McD, that's just the way it is), that's who. Oh, they also have matching tattoos on their fingers. That's so stupid. Take a gander at this couple that will likely last only another three months (also, who holds hands like that? Come on Paul, be a man).

This tattoo will be removed soon enough.

So there you have it, folks, the engagement of my Future Fiance to his temporary Fiancee. Paul is just confused at this time of his life, so I get it, he needs to fill that empty void in his heart (for now). Oh, I should add something hilarious that Nikki Reed said (no, not her repetition of "He's the one...he's the one." The one what?).

"He was signing to me the entire time I was getting ready today. Most people would be like, 'It's enough. Put down the guitar!' I'm like, 'Listen, if you want to sit on the couch and drink a beer and play guitar all day every day, I encourage it.'"

So now she's encouraging laziness. Come on, Nikki! If you're going to be his wife, you need to encourage him to make music, not to just play his guitar on the couch. He needs to get a Grand Magnolias album out there (for his fans).

Look, I'm sure you guys are concerned about my emotional and mental well-being upon hearing this news. I just want to assure you, I am fine, so please stop with all the sympathy cards and bouquets of flowers (although they're much appreciated). I'm trying to move on to other guys, until Paul sees his mistake and moves onto me (it's only a matter of time).
Here is my new list:
1) Prince Harry (good news, he's not getting married anytime soon. I think I'm going to take a trip to England and change his mind about that...)

2) Marcus Mumford (my love for Mumford & Sons has moved to something more, Marcus has captured part of my heart)

Come play the banjo with me.

3) Move to Mexico to Court Adolfo (sounds sketchy, I know, but it's all kosher. Ask my father)
4) Paul McDonald (he'll move back up once this engagement joke blows over)

Rachel, wait for me.

I will Paul, I will.

The End.

Sean Kingston and Movies

Yeah, those are completely opposite topics, but I figured why not group them together.

Let's start with Sean Kingston... As you may or may not have heard (hopefully not, I love feeling like I'm breaking news), Kingston was in a jet ski crash with some girl and was severely injured. According to TMZ, he is out of the Trauma Unit and into Intensive Care Unit.

Luckily for Sean (and the rest of us), The Biebster was there to wish for a safe recovery. What would we do without this little pop star?

Word.

Onto movies... The top of the box office this weekend was The Hangover Part II. I think that movie looks terrible, and according to a reliable source (namely, my hair stylist), it was not very good. But I'm not shocked that it was top of the box office. Following it was Kung Fu Panda (which was supposedly better than said Hangover sequel).

The same crap happens again. And we're shocked.

This looks a movie we can skip. Agreed? Another one to skip is "Thor." I saw that last weekend and it wasn't great (I love superhero movies, but this one was a bore). Only go see if it you plan on seeing "The Avengers" next year. Which I plan on seeing.

That's all for now, folks!

News I Missed This Week

Since Blogger has been down for awhile, I may have missed posting some important information (really important, because you need to know).
Let's break it down.

Story #1: The Biebster's Tattoos
It appears that our little pop star is growing up and getting some tattoos. Here's a picture of one of them.

Jesus is on my side.

You're probably wondering what that lovely tattoo means. It is Hebrew for "Yeshua," otherwise known as "Jesus." Look, I'm all about personal expression and yadda yadda (I have nothing against tattoos, I think they can be pretty rad), but I think it is really stupid when people get tattoos of languages they don't speak. I'm pretty sure The Biebster isn't Jewish (because they don't believe that Jesus was the son of God, I used to be Jewish so I know), nor does he read or understand Hebrew. For all he knows, that could actually say "Devil."
Here is my reasoning as to why it's ridiculous for people to get tattoos in languages they don't speak or have any connection to: Let's imagine you (I'm pretending you're a white American) get a tattoo on your back that says "family" in Japanese. You probably got it because you like the symbols, they're cool looking. Now, imagine a Japanese man getting the word "family" tattooed on his back in English. Weird, right? That's my logic. Boom.

Story #2: Kim Kardashian is Engaged
She's engaged to some guy named Kris Humphries (I don't know who the eff this guy is, but he plays basketball or something). Here's a picture of her and her giant ring.

So, apparently this ring is super expensive. According to ABC news....

"Designed by Kardashian's friend, celebrity jeweler Lorraine Schwartz, the reality TV star's newest accessory includes a 16.5 carat emerald cut center stone flanked by a pair of 2-carat trapezoids. NBA baller Humphries reportedly dished out $2 million for the diamonds, to Kardashian's delight. "It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," she told People. 'It's perfect.'"

Yes, you read that right, $2 million for an engagement ring (I want to see a normal person spend even close to that much on a wedding ring) that she will probably only wear for a few months. How much will the wedding ring cost, $4 million? But then again, she'll probably only wear that one for a few months too... Harsh, but true. Kim and Kris have only been together for 6 months, so using my marriage theorem.... They'll last about 3 months.

Story #3: Tony Romo is Marrying Candice Crawford
"Who is Candice Crawford?" You must be asking yourself. According to my sources (and by that, I mean TMZ), Candice Crawford is Chace Crawford's little sister. They are getting married in a few hours, according to my schedule, in Texas. Here is their massive tent in which they will be wed.

And here is a picture of the lovely couple.

She looks just like Carrie Underwood. Not a coincidence.

I'm kind of hoping that Tony wears his football uniform instead of a suit. That would make for one memorable wedding! Good luck to this couple, and may their marriage last as long as Tony's career (assuming his career lasts awhile, although I could actually care less about either).

Last, Story #4: Apparently, Scotty isn't Dating Lauren...
But she just might be dating him. According to the NY Daily News, Scotty said,

"Everybody keeps asking me about the smooch. She told me she was gonna do that before the show. She's a character, isn't she? We're really close friends. I don't know about the dating part. She's just being funny. She's such a sweetheart. We've grown so close. It's a special relationship we have."

It sure is special, Scotty. It sure is. Especially considering what Lauren Alaina said about the dating speculation.

"I kissed him on the lips, yeah. He might be my boyfriend, he might not be my boyfriend. I'll never tell! Secret's safe with me!"

So this is clearly a one-way relationship (Lauren Alaina just really wants to make her sister/mom proud by dating a good, Christian, Southern boy). I broke the news on Wednesday night about their possible romance, and I'm happy to say that I just might be right (in fact, I probably am right). Just look at this young, Idol couple.

This is our "special relationship."

 What? You need more proof? Here ya go. Here are some picture they took backstage.

Done and done.


Enjoy the news!