America's Got Talent: Announcing the Final Four

So, not much is going down on the recap tonight. I mean, I know they're announcing the four final acts, but let's be honest...we're all ready for this show to end.
Anyway, let's review my predictions.
Silhouettes
Smage Bros. Riding Show
iLuminate
PopLyfe

I hope I'm right (if only to keep up with my self-proclaimed prediction accomplishments)!

First Act to Move On: Team iLuminate

So, it appears that I'm now one for one, which makes me so mad, since one of my guesses was sent home! I was really starting to enjou Mr. Troy Smalls, and now he's just gone. Also, my streak has been ruined at the beginning.
But, hey, congrats to the neon lit group.

Second Act to Move On: PopLyfe

I knew it, unfortunately. I'm not a fan of wannabe teen pop bands (especially those who walk off stage before they're dismissed). Swanky was sent packing after possibly killing a fish last night. So now I'm two for two, and waiting to see the act I missed.

Before the next results, Il Divo performs and I hate opera so much. And when opera is in the form of a quartet, it's even worse.

Third Act Moving On: Silhouettes

Three for three, America! And I'm super pumped that an act from Colorado moved on. They are carrying the weight of the whole state on their shoulders for the finals. Good luck, golden clad warriors (can they be called that?).

Final Act to Move On (I hope it's Landau!!): Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr.

Yay! Since I almost chose him yesterday instead of Smage Bros. (lesson learned: always listen to my mum), I'm going to count my prediction correctness as 3.5 for 4. I'm glad he made it, this man deserves it.

So there you go, folks. Tune in next week for the final four performances. Until then (if not sooner)!

America's Got Talent: The Terrific (?) Ten

Hello, America and other countries, I'm back. I hope you didn't miss me too much in my absence (that's a lie, I hope you missed me so much it was devastating), but I've returned just for you, despite my busy schedule.

Let's get started with a new episode of America's Got Talent. It's the Final Ten, and I never thought they'd actually get this far.
Unfortunately, my dear, darling Daniel Joseph Baker went home a few weeks ago, and it made me very sad. I almost didn't come back.

First Michael Grimm is performing. I don't really care for this guy, he's nothing special in my eyes (or ears, whatever).

Miami All Stars

Yes, there was a chicken...

They made it? I'm not a huge fan of dance crews, unless they are absolutely amazing and unique. They really aren't all that amazing or unique.
I think the whole football and cheerleader theme is a little bit weird, and it makes me think of High School Musical or Glee or something. I don't know. I think all the lifts and tricks are cool, but otherwise I'm not overly impressed. Not to mention there is way too much going on on the stage (my attention span can only handle so much). I didn't care for them, sorry!
Piers X'd them because he didn't care for the cheer leading thing, and I'm with him. Me and Piers have very similar opinions, because we're both awesome. Sharon and Howie still kind of enjoyed it, but disliked the theme.
Overall Grade: C-

Lys Agnès

My mom and I are both bothered by this girl, and I'm not completely sure why. The only reason I have an inkling of support for her is because she's from Colorado (represent).
Why does she have chopsticks on her eyelids? And why does she sound like a man? Why is she standing in a giant dream catcher? These questions and more will most likely never be answered. This song is frightening me and my poor cat, who just dashed out of the room. I understand that people really seem to like her, but I don't. I just don't get it!!!
Sharon said she sounded like crap when singing in the low register (how very true). Howie didn't care for her risk. This is the one time I ever disagree with Piers...he likes her.
Overall Grade: F

Landon Swank

It's Swanky! I like this guy because of my awesome nickname for him. I hope his hot fiance is assisting him tonight, or else he won't get voted through, guaranteed.
Nick says I shouldn't try this at home (don't tell me what to do!)... So first he changed a goldfish cracker into a goldfish by eating it. Then he stuck his hand into an aquarium, but the fish disappeared, and water spilled out. All of that was cool, but then he finished by laying on a couch?! But what happened to the fish??
All of the judges loved it. Piers wondered how he did it, and I was confused too. But it was still rad.
Overall Grade: B

Anna Graceman

I always want to be impressed by this girl, but every time that I've seen her, I haven't been blown away. Like Swanky, she's from Alaska.
Let me start by saying she's wearing a horrid dress. And why is she standing in a patch of grass indoors? So she has decided to not play the piano tonight, which I don't think was a good choice (it adds to her talent level). Anna's voice sounds pretty good, but she doesn't keep my interest. The only times I actually want to listen are during the choruses, otherwise it's a little boring because she misses notes. Anna is good, but not great. I'm torn. I think it was just a bad song choice.
Piers and I have similar opinions, like that she did miss some notes. Sharon was still lovey dovey toward her. Howie likes her and all, but not this song.
Overall Grade: B-

Silhouettes

There is a nearly blind girl on this team, and other sick kids. My mom pointed out that they're going for the sympathy vote, which is unnecessary; just the fact that they're from Colorado (represent) and have a cool act should be reason enough to vote.
I always find their act hard to recap, but pretty much they showed different aspects of life. It was pretty radical, and they always impress me.
Sharon loved this so much, she was shouting over the audience. Howie said they will make it to the final 4. Piers thought the story they told was pretty awesome. He said it makes people proud to be American, but he's British...
Overall Grade: A- Gotta love this act.

Smage Bros. Riding Show

Relax, you won't completely lose your body parts.

I love these guys! And, let's face it, Troy Smalls "The Unsung Hero" is pretty hot and a daredevil. He puts his life on the line to get his friends famous! That's true friendship.
So these guys are practically skateboarding on their motorbikes, all the while coming close to injuring poor Troy (in fact, once it looked like he got hit in the head). One of the brothers grinded on a rail! The scariest part of the performance was when Troy lay spread eagle on the floor. My first thought, "He's gonna lose his balls!!" When, in fact, one of them got his leg.
Howie loved them. Piers thought they were exciting, but not as good as last round (which I missed, so I can't atest to that). Sharon disagreed with Piers; she loved it.
Overall Grade: A  Love these guys!

PopLyfe

I hate them. They are just another teen pop band, and I hate that kind of music. I am no longer in elementary school, when Backstreet Boys and NSync were awesome. I don't want to watch them, I want it to end!
They're singing Michael Jackson?! Are they nuts or something? My mom said she has a good voice, but I told her she's not allowed to like them (the only music acts I liked on this show were Daniel Joseph Baker and The Fiddleheads). This is so cheesy and way too fast, I can hardly stand to listen to this. My mum says the girl looks like Prince! I don't like this at all...nope, no way.
Piers stood for them?! What is going on between us tonight? They all seemed to love it, and I don't understand why. I didn't enjoy it one bit. But then again, I'm kind of a music snob (hate to admit it) and I hate 98% of pop music.
Overall Grade: C- I think my issue is that they spelled life wrong...

West Springfield Dance Team

Ugh, another dance team... I don't have the patience for this tonight!! Seriously, why must I watch a gothic dance routine?
Mum has always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all...seeing as I don't follow that advice anyway, here we go. This was dumb. It started out ridiculous and creepy, then they started dancing to dubstep (which is terrible music). The whole story was confusing and fed into the zombie craze, which I hate. The dancing wasn't spectacular, and I was bored. And annoyed, mostly with the horrid music.
Sharon feels they're very predictable. Howie didn't care for it very much. Piers X'd them (as I would have), and said they should have done something different and the choreography was boring.
Overall Grade: F

Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr.

Does this guy not have the coolest name ever?! It sounds like the name of an old British Lord or something... Landau is pretty rad.
My mum and I are always shocked when that 50s musical voice comes out of his mouth. He belongs in "Singing in the Rain," or in Las Vegas (can't you see him being a new Barry Manilow?). Not only is his voice great, but so is his story, which makes him that much more appealing. This was an excellent performance.
Landau received a standing ovation! All of the judges love him. Let's hope he makes it through.
Overall Grade: A

Team iLuminate

Um, excuse me, group, your team name is missing an L. It should be iLluminate, which makes me think of llamas (weird? Maybe). The cancer girl has an eye of Horus tattoo! How rad.
I think this act is bizarre, and I don't really get the appeal. Then again, I am a strong opponent of major uses of technology (I miss the days when there was just one kind of iPod...). This performance is strange, but they'll probably make it to the finals. I don't have much else to say, but it's mostly because I'm so over this show.
This group received a standing ovation, and Piers loved it (what's up with our disagreements?). Sharon and Howie also loved it.
Overall Grade: C

It's over! Here's my predictions for the finals:
Silhouettes
Smage Bros. Riding Show
iLuminate
PopLyfe

If I'm wrong, then I'm going to come back and change my predictions so that it appears I was right all along.
On that note, toodles!

America's Got Talent: Results of July 20th

Here we go, folks. Time to reveal the next four moving into the semi-finals.
Just to refresh your memory, here was my prediction for tonight:
Daniel Joseph Baker
Smage Bros. Riding Show
Silhouettes
Stephen Retchless

Let's see how I do...

First Act to Make it Through: Silhouettes

Great appeal to America.

Looks like I'm one for one so far! And it looks like America loves itself enough to vote for their patriotic performance.

Some band called Hot Chelle Rae performed a ridiculously poppy, stupid song (but at least it had really deep lyrics). This song was horrible.

Second Act Making it Through: Stephen Retchless

Legs aren't supposed to bend like that.

Love him! He is up there (literally) sparkling on stage, and he totally deserves this. Now I'm two for two, what up!
Howie Mandel said: "America does NOT get it wrong, they voted you in..." Well, Howie America also voted George W. Bush into office, and they sure got it wrong there... (But they definitely get it wrong with Stephen!)

Third Act to Make it Through: Daniel Joseph Baker

Seriously, please be my friend? (I hate to sound desperate...)

Oh my god yes!!!! America, thank you for voting through this amazing, talented singer! He said, "Thank you, America, for letting me by myself!" Yes! It seems America is starting to accept gay guys, especially fierce ones like Daniel Joseph Baker (I still want to be his best friend). I'm three for three!

While leaving the final three perfomers in suspense, they brought out this group called Traces who just performed for Prince William and Princess Kate (lucky). Holy shit that was the coolest thing I've ever seen! They were flipping off of poles, and then jumping onto the next pole. I'm going to try and find a video for your viewing pleasure. Well wouldn't ya know it, I found the one from the show.

For this last act, the judges get to choose who makes it. The prop/friend appealed to the judges by saying: "Well, to be honest, I'm pretty scared, they're getting really close to my body. I'm not even sure if I want to move on." (You just know the other guys were like, "Dude! Don't say that!") Then Swanky discussed the sacrifices he's made, ans how he was willing to whore out his hot fiance for him to move on. Now that's sacrifice.

After the judges deliberated long and hard....Fourth Act to Make it Through: Smage Bros. Riding Show

Apparently, the judges and America want to continue to see Troy be put in danger.

Looks like I was four for four tonight! I am good. Unfortunately, it appears that my other prediction about Troy (the prop/friend) dying on stage will probably come true.
My only upset about Landon Swank and his Hot Fiance going home is that I can't call him Swanky anymore.

So there you have it, America! Next week we'll see the next 12 that are hoping to make it into the semi-finals. Prepare yourself.

America's Got Talent: Second Batch of 12 Perform

Hello America (and maybe other countries, I don't know)! It's time to examine the talent of our country. Although I'm not completely sure that this is a good sampling of the talent in our country. Let's get crackin'.

Side Note: I thought the show was on at 7 (my time), but it's not. So now I'm watching that lame show It's Worth What. This looks stupid, but obviously I watch stupid shows.

Good news guys! Two of my favorite gay performers are on tonight! That is the only reason I'll (try to) pay attention tonight.

Attack Dance Crew

According to Nick Cannon, these guys are passionate about the ladies. Good to know.
These guys walked out wearing track suits with neon green, it's pretty obnoxious. I think dance crews are pretty cool, but these guys aren't meeting my cool standards. The best part of the performance was when one dude was thrown over three guys. Otherwise, yawnfest (I guess I'm with Howie, I don't get it).
I agree with Sharon, "The choreography wasn't spectacular." I really want her and Piers to start use British slang, because I want to learn more British things.
Overall Grade: D

Justin Bieber's Sister: Dani Shay

Still not Justin Bieber.

Attention everyone: she is one of my favorite performers on this show. She's so super talented and just damn awesome.
Tonight Biebster's Sister is singing "Babylon." This stage setup is really stupid. Why the couch on stage? This song started out pretty weak. My mother kept mentioning that they're making her too poppy (as in pop-music like), and that's NOT good. I love Dani and I usually think her voice is great, she reminds of Brandi Carlisle, but tonight was her weakest performance. She sounded very nervous and shaky, and she can do so much better than that! I hope people vote for her despite this.
Sharon and Howie seemed to like it, but Piers mentioned that some was off key, and I agree.
Overall Grade: C-

Geechy Guy

I love comedians. I've always wanted to be a comedienne, but I worry that my humor may destroy the whole industry because all of the other comedians will leave because of me.
Geechy Guy walked onto the stage with two women dressed as whoopie cushions, which wad weird. So, this guy isn't very funny. Plus, he stole a joke from The Office. "Disposable cameras are great because you take pictures and then throw it away." You thief! Kelly from The Office did this with a disposable camera (it was really only funny then).
Piers "Jerkface" Morgan majorly insulted Geechy. I get it though, he wasn't funny at all.
Overall Grade: F
PS: His fingers are creepy. Just so you know.

Daniel Joseph Baker

Rachel, will you be my friend?

I love him! He's gay and wears bowties, so obviously I love him a lot. I want to be Daniel's best friend (I will post this in every recap until he responds to my request).
Holy crap. He has a zebra pattern piano. Oh my goodness, Daniel has such an amazing voice. And he's singing "Edge of the Glory" by Gaga! He does this song justice times a million dollars (in his words), and he sounds amazing and so fierce. Daniel truly has a unique voice and he definitely has a great stage presence. I love him so much!
Aww, when Piers asked him about his performance, he almost started to cry (he is practically begging me to be his friend). Pretty much, all of the judges love Daniel, and how could you not?
Overall Grade: A- Yes, that's right. I'm feeling a bit generous tonight.

The Rhinestone Ropers

This horse didn't do shit. But it did take a shit.

God these guys are pretty dorky. That's just the way I see it. But they do have a horse which could be cool.
Wow, the horse picked up a hat. Their first act was crazy exciting, and this is boring so far. Maybe if they spun the horse on the wheel and shot at it, this would be more exciting. Otherwise, this is like a ridiculous scene from an old Western movie. God that was lame!
The judges seemed to find this as boring as I did. Howie just made a sexual, bestiality-related innuendo ("Then you mounted it from behind"). Piers X'd them (rightfully so) and called it a train wreck.
Overall Grade: F

Dylan Andre

This guy's mom was a singer, so now she's probably living vicariously through him. When I have children, I plan on doing the same thing (but with child pageants).
I'm bored at the beginning of this song. Dylan's voice is way too quiet, and not very exciting at all. Holy crap!!! He's singing "Daughters" by John Mayer. I hate this song (my family and I have this excellent habit of mocking John Mayer songs, which isn't hard to do when most of them repeat the same words over and over again). Back to the performance, boring. Dylan has a flat voice, and I was done watching him right as he ended, so perfect timing.
The judges didn't seem too enthralled about Dylan's performance. The audience booed them (shut up, lame-o's).
Overall Grade: D This was especially low since he was wearing a denim shirt with jeans. Whoever chose that outfit should have serious consequences.

Landon Swank

Call this number to vote for me, and possibly have sex with my fiance.

So this Alaskan guy is a magician. I wonder if he knows Sarah Palin (I sure hope he knows that annoying woman).
His fiance is dressed like a slut, which he probably hopes will get him more votes. Way to whore out your fiance. Nick Cannon is signing the mirror for Landon Swanky. Holy crapole!! Swanky just burst through the mirror! My mind has officially been blown. I'm beyond impressed.
Piers doubted Swanky and had him turn around the mirror, but it was still the same as it was before. Sharon was confused (what is there to be confused about?).
Overall Grade: B+

Smage Bros. Riding Show

That friend will eventually die during one of their shows.

These guys grew up on a farm, and I'm slightly jealous. I think I'm going to get a farm one day and raise kids on it (it seems like a good plan to me).
Tonight they've brought back their friend/prop that they always seems to want to kill. And they all risked their lives in order to entertain us non-risk takers. Holy crap I almost just peed my pants! They kept jumping over their friend (who is always in the face of death) and then took off his hat with the wheel (without smashing his skull, thank goodness).
The judges love these guys. Also, the friend/prop guy said, "I'm brother without a mother...of these guys." What?! Oh well. I'm just glad he's willing to risk my life in order to make me freak out.
Overall Grade: A

Thomas John

This guy was going to be a literary professor, but decided to be a juggler instead. Interesting career switch, dude. I want to remind everyone that he started juggling to impress ladies, which he thought didn't work. Um, excuse me, sir, but I enjoy comedic jugglers.
I want to rephrase my previous statement: I no longer enjoy comedic jugglers. Well, I wasn't very impressed. I don't know, it wasn't as good as I had hoped. The chest hair made it more interesting (is that weird?).
The judges didn't seem to like him very much.
Overall Grade: D-

Stephen Retchless

I think I have heels like those. If not, I want some.

This is my second favorite gay guy on the show. I just adore the fact that he is a pole dancer, and he even does it in heels. I can barely even walk in heels, but he makes dancing on a pole in heels seem effortless.
Like Daniel Joseph Baker, he chose a Gaga song for his performance. Holy shiy this was an amazing and beautiful performance. Stephen is so graceful yet so strong, and that impresses me so much. Seriously, Stephen is so talented and makes pole dancing so beautiful. Loved it! I also want to be best friends with him.
Piers X'd him?! Does he have a problem with the shorts he's wearing, or the feather eyelashes? (Because I think that adds to the brilliance of his performance.) Sharon adores him, and Howie compared his act to Lady Gaga mixed with a firefighter. Well, alrighty.
Overall Grade: A What can I say? I love my gay guys!

Mona Lisa

This act is made up of twins. I'm assuming one is named Mona and the other is Lisa. Otherwise, their name is stupid (at least in my eyes it is).
All the lit up paper lanterns made me think of the movie Tangled. Then I was disappointed when I realized they weren't singing a song from the movie. So, this song was boring, their voices were boring, and the performance was boring. They do not receive my good graces (and we all now how special that is).
The judges gushed over them. Unfortunately, I doubt they'll make it through to next week.
Overall Grade: C-

Silhouettes

There is a 3-year-old little girl named Emerson in this group. Doesn't that mean that this violates the child labor laws? Guess what, I just decided I liked this group significally more because they're from Denver (represent!).
Holy crapole this act was awesome! I've always found silhouette acts like this to be absolutely stunning. Guess what, you guys? You made me feel proud to be an American (and a Coloradan), but there was one image missing: Stephen Colbert. This performance was awesome.
The judges all loved it! They even made Sharon and Piers, the resident Brits, feel very patriotic (toward America, of course). Now that's talent.
Overall Grade: A

If I got to choose the 4 to make it through tomorrow:
Daniel Joseph Baker
Smage Bros. Riding Show
Stephen Retchless
Silhouette

But I think Stephen might not make it (which makes me sad), so it might be Swanky instead (who is still awesome).
That's all, folks!