Tuesday, April 12, 2011

American Idol, Stephen Colbert, and so much more

Dear Reader (if you're out there),
Sorry I didn't blog last week, it was just too hard. But I'm back for a quick post. I'll talk about whatever I feel like talking about.

Paul McDonald
First of all, Nikki Reed? For reals? I'm not sure if this rumor is true or false (I'm going to assume it's false for my own benefit), but I'm a little hurt by Paul if it's true. Whether he knows it or not, he is my Future Fiancé and is bound to me for life. But maybe it's just for PR and he really doesn't like Nikki, which I'm fine with.
Secondly, I sent Paul that fanmail I discussed two weeks ago! He called it, and I quote, "One of the best fanmails ever." Check it out (although, knowing who reads this, you've already seen this or were with me when I saw it):
Third, I want to hear P McD sing "Brown-Eyed Girl." Can you imagine? The hearts of American girls - and boys! - would melt. That would be awesome.

Stephen Colbert
First of all, HE'S AWESOME! Seriously. If I could, I would spend a whole day with Stephen, he is that awesome.
Second! I quoted him twice today in an essay for English. I patriotically declared that the penny should not be abolished because of American pride! Stephen would be proud. I quoted him with these profound quotes: "George Bush - great president, or greatest president?" (Just so it's clear, I had no reason to put that part in my paper, I was just so on the patriotic ball that Colbert's words were practically flowing out of me. Plus, I got a kick out of writing that.) Then I used this in the conclusion, which I think should earn me an A, "I firmly believe that this nation is the most American country the United States has ever seen." BOOM! Mind blown? I think yes. Colbert is possibly the most patriotic man alive, and I hope to be half the awesome he is today. When this essay is returned to me, I may or may not send it to Colbert. I want his praise.
Thirdly... On his show yesterday, he showed a clip of Republican Jon Kyl saying that Planned Parenthood shouldn't receive government funding because 90% of what the services they provide is abortion! Wrong. As Colbert so greatly pointed out, abortion is 3% of what they actually do. Then Kyl's people released a statement saying "It was not intended to be a factual statement." ....What?!?! Then why did he say it? I hate how Republicans can blatantly lie to the American people, then apologize or retract their statement later, and it's all okay. That is truly idiotic.
Anywhoo, Colbert has posting statements about Kyl on his Twitter all day, then says "NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement." These are hilarious! A few of my favorites:
-"Jon Kyl is an accomplished nude hula dancer. He is not welcome in Hawaii. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement"
-"Jon Kyl sponsored S.410, which would ban happiness. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement"
-"Citing religious reasons, Jon Kyl refuses to utter the number 8. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement"
-"Jon Kyl assassinated Archduke Ferdinand. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement"

Haha! Colbert is awesome. I especially love the last one. My time in AP European History has helped me appreciate history jokes. I'll thank my teacher tomorrow.

Other Random Babblings
My cat squeaks. It annoys the crap out of me.
Watch "An Idiot Abroad." It is one of the funniest shows on television.
Today my friend and I decided that the worst part about summer is mosquitoes. Otherwise, summer is the bomb shizzle.
I hate Vote For The Worst. Do they really think P McD is the worst? Pfft.

Deep Thought of the Week
Why is socialism considered "bad" in America? Is capitalism really that great?

That's it for now. I think I'm going to try doing a "Deep Thought of the Week" every week. It may or may not really be a deep question. And I may or may not address my question later in the week.

Alrighty, toodle-oo!
Tune in tomorrow for my American Idol opinions!

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