Tuesday, July 12, 2011

America's Got Talent: The First 12 of the Top 48 Perform

Okay guys, it's time for the first "live" episode of America's Got Talent. Who's ready to rock and roll? Hopefully it's you, because I'm ready.

According to Nick Cannon, the three judges are experts...of what? Being ridiculous? I find it amusing that only one of the judges is actually American when this show is called America's Got Talent (but it's obviously because anything British peaks interest).
PS: I think Piers legitly hates Howie Mandell. Something makes me feel like it's not an act cooked up by the producers (mostly because Piers is very good at being annoyed with Howie).

Miami All Stars
Drama from the start: one of their songs wasn't cleared, so they started their routine all over. Oh snap.
This dance routine was an interesting mix of latin and modern dance. They also took a hint from Stefano by having the guys lift up their shirts. Obviousy a ploy to get votes, but I wasn't very impressed. Plus it looked stupid with their shirts pulled up over their heads.
Piers used a lot of colorful adjectives (fabulous, wonderful, fast, blah blah) and sounded fancy. Sharon said the men dance like real men, whatever that means. Howie said, "Mucho caliente." (Come on, man.) The lead dancer and I  both corrected him, "It's muy caliente."
Overall Grade: B-

Dezmond Meeks
Yes, I am very gay. Rachel likes me more now.
Let me start by saying that I've seen that tons of people have gotten to my blog by searching, "Is Dezmond Meeks gay?" After seeing his outfit, I can now adequately answer that question satisfactorily: "Yes." And that makes me like him more (you all should know how much I love gay people).
Dezmond's voice sounded great. He has a unique voice, but after awhile I felt a little annoyed. His performance got a tad bit cheesy (Howie and Sharon agreed with me, duh) and overdone. Another annoying part was that the dancers were very distracting, especially with the girl hanging by the chandelier.
Howie and Sharon thought it was cheesy, Piers explained some British lingo and liked the cabret-ness.
Overall Grade: C-

Those Funny Little People
Forewarning: I think this act is stupid. Very stupid. I can't believe this is an actual act. I'm with Piers, I hate these guys (they're so bizarre).
Where did they find these costumes? And, I have to ask, they're midgets in there, right? Oh lordy this act is so stupid... I have so many questions that I know will remain unanswered. If they make it through to next week, I'll be shocked (and if you voted for them, I'll come after you).
Howie gave them a standing ovation and insulted Piers (but I didn't understand it, quite frankly). Piers buzzed them, and then spoke my thoughts! "They're just very, very annoying." Sharon loved it for some reason, but I think it was because they annoyed Piers.
Overall Grade: F--

The Fearless Flores Family
I'm so glad I'm not part of the Flores Family, because I'm definitely not fearless. Driving in circles around a globe thing is not something I have any desire to do, but at least they're not recruiting.
Holy crap they're nuts. This is one of those acts that is hard to recap, because you have to see it to understand the awesomeoness. But pretty much, this time the mom joined her two young children in the ball of death and they all rode their motorcycles round and round (they made it look so easy). This whole act is crazy, one of the kids is eight. I think this family is insane.
Piers suggested that Howie stand in the middle during the next performance. Sharon doubted their creativity (which is what I was thinking), and didn't know what else they could do. Howie expressed his fear for the girl's hair, and that was my same concern! She should cut her hair short like I did. What up.
Overall Grade: A- (It's hard to give them less, especially since no one died.)

Squonk Opera
Freaked out yet?
I've never seen this act before. So this is my first time watching it, and I'm a tad bit apprehensive. They seem a little too weird for me (and I'm very weird), but I'll just wait to see. Oh, I also hate opera.
I hate opera, as I just said. Why can't they just sing normally? Okay, I have to admit, this started out pretty cool with the images projected on the huge thing. But then it just got weird, with some dude floating in the air playing a trumpet. Guys, I'm not even sure what to make of it... I think if the music and lyrics were different, the quirkiness would work.
Sharon buzzed them because of the song (which was the part I disliked). Howie compared them to a drug, and I wouldn't doubt the performers do some sort of drug before coming up with ideas. Piers also buzzed and said, "This is what I imagine hell would be like." They should just brush that meaningless insult away, but write different songs.
Overall Grade: C

J. Chris Newberg
This guy is pretty darn funny. But if you like him, check out Stephen Lynch (who is like ten times better)!! Then also look up God's Pottery. To make it easier for you, I think I'll just do a post about them soon.
Apparently Chris has already caused controversy among the judges. I'm not sure what that controversy would be. But Chris called Piers, Jerkface! New nickname.
I just realized that I have no clue why Chris is playing a guitar. Then as soon as I typed that, he started singing (damn you, Chris). The choir all have fake beards that resembles Chris' real beard. Amusing. So this guy had some pretty funny one-liners, but I wouldn't say he's absolutely hilarious. He's pretty good and funny, but I'm torn...
Howie digs him. Piers/Jerkface buzzed him and thinks his act is a bad idea, and I disagree. Sharon thought he was hilario (no, I didn't miss some letters).
Overall Grade: B

Snap Boogie
The word boogie is and will always be the same as snot to me. Beside that fact, I think it's pretty cool that Snap has come from the streets to the stage.
This guy is a really good dancer and all, but I get kind of bored during dance performances. Sorry guys, but I tend to lose my focus rather easily. Until they do something totally rad like his head stand move or his one handed flip. The worst part of this performance were the ninja shadows dancing behind him. It was a really stupid idea (whoever thought of that should be fired or worse).
Piers loves this guy. I think he wants Snap Boogie to teach him his moves. Sharon says he's "so now." Totes, homie. Howie got super excited about Snap (what do I call him?).
Overall Grade: A-

Echo (The Bird)
Yes, talking birds are necessary.
This is another of those acts that I think is stupid. To make it even more ridiculous, Echo's loony owner brought his "girlfriend" Binky.
What a cool bird!! He talks like a human. Lame, I can do that all by myself, and no one is giving me a show because I can talk (although someone really should, I can talk for quite awhile). The best part of the act was when Echo tried to eat the microphone.
Sharon loved the whole thing, because who doesn't love talking birds? Oh yeah, me. Howie can't help but wonder if she's a really good birthday party (agreed). Piers thought Echo was the funniest of the night.
Overall Grade: C-

The Fiddleheads
Guess who loves these guys? This girl right here. Everyone knows how much I love the banjo and bluegrass-type music, so this band is right up my alley.
Tonight they're performing "Billie Jean," and I love their rendition already. I've always thought the original was missing something, and now I know that was the banjo (that instrument can fix anything). This song is amazing. The singer's voice is amazing, and I just love how these four different string instruments work together. Rachel is a fan, mostly because of the banjo.
Howie thought their song choice was a mistake (disagree) because it was missing the dance aspect. Piers thought the only problem was that he didn't hit the big notes like he should have. Sharon hated the song choice, but she still likes them how they were before. Whatever, they were still pretty good.
Overall Grade: B+ Attention people who will waste some time voting (not to be rude about that): please vote for The Fiddleheads. Thank you.

Duo Aero
This act consists of two nuts-o trapeze artists. They're risking life and limb in order to hang upside down and flip each other around. Tonight they're hoping to take a step closer to their dream of becoming a professional circus act (what a dream).
These two are insane. I would be scared shitless to do what they're doing, but they don't seem fazed by this at all. I think they were a bit boring for most of the performance, though, and it was a bit too stiff. They needed more flippy stuff and to not be stuck in the 50s. Guess we'll see how the rest of America feels...
Piers buzzed them and thought they were a snore-fest (my words, not his). Sharon and Howie both thought it was totally dated, and I couldn't agree more.
Overall Grade: D

Anna Graceman
This girl has an amazing voice for an eleven year old. I just learned that the poor girl is from Alaska (I'm sure she wanted to get out of that place so badly).
Tonight Anna is singing "What a Wonderful World." Her voice sounds so good during this song, and her piano playing skills seem to be on key today. I wish I could sing like Anna, and play the piano. This girl's got talent, America!! Can't deny it.
Sharon loved it, so did Howie, and so did Piers. How many people think this girl will win (no need to raise your hands, I'll assume the number)? I need to collect this data.
Overall Grade: A-

Sandou Trio Russian Bar
I'm pretty much asking to die.
I have absolutely no clue what the name of their act means, but it seems crazy. And their act looks ridiculously stupid and dangerous, so America will love it.
Oh lordy this whole thing is chock full of drama and intensity. There is a bed of nails on the ground (such a stupid idea). If that girl misses once, she could puncture a necessary organ. Then they light the bed of nails on fire so that she could have internal bleeding and external burns. Luckily, she made it through the act.
Howie almost peed himself during the act. Piers/Jerkface was secretly hoping she would fall. Sharon loved it.
Overall Grade: B+ (Obviously I wasn't completely impressed. I was hoping for some kind of injury.)

Adios, America! I'll recap the results tomorrow (maybe, I might still be on a plane back home at that time).

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