Wednesday, July 6, 2011

America's Got Talent: Rounding Out the Top 48 (And I Pick My Favorite)

Even though I just posted about America's Got Talent, I'm back. It's time for the Standby Acts to fill the remaining 17 spots. The pressure is on!!
I'm doing this show differently since I have no other plans tonight. Just follow along, you'll get the hang of it.

The Magicians
The first act guy was stuck in the 70s, and the second was really stupid. I hate cheesy magicians (as one of the other guys said). It's about to get real, with Landon from Alaska! He is making a box float. Just so everyone knows, that's not supposed to happen. The next bald magician was pretty good, but he relied too much on hot girls (and I wasn't in it, so he was missing someone super hot).

The Kids
First up is Lil T, who's 6 years old and dances/siezes on stage. This kid got moves, players (and probably a crazy stage mom)! Next is Avery and the Calico Hearts, who will be perfect for Kidz Bop. My mom just commented, "She sounds like a chipmunk." They're annoying, but have a stage presence.
Then there are quite a few annoying kids who were pushed into this by their parents. One of these groups is a bunch of child rappers (so amusing). Anna Graceman is an 11 year old girl with a stunning voice and crazy piano fingers! She reminds me of me when I was 11, but then I sadly lost my talent.
To sum up my thoughts on The Kids: If there is a crazy stage parent behind the kid, they will do well (just ask my parents).

The Danger Acts (This what Nick Cannon told me, I'd call them the Badasses.)
Some dude ate fire, then a boy twurled fire, then a girl flipped in the air with fire. Clearly using fire is becoming a cliche. Next up are some motocross guys jumping over their innocent friend while trying to not to kill him (I'd hate to be the friend laying on the ground).

The Dancers
There are some large acts and small acts. One of these acts consists of strippers, awesome. Sammy, the one man dance machine, is crazy. I hate to sound rude (kind of), but a man this large should not dance. I don't want to see his large belly exposed, and Piers Morgan suggested a bigger shirt (good suggestion).

The Novelty Acts
Some crazy shit is about to go down!
First up is some Russian the Magnificent, and I think he should just complete his sex change (even though he'll make a large woman). Sharon loves Russian the Magnificent, and he is rather interesting. The juggler guy is awesome, and kind of cute. And even though he plays with his balls all day, I'd consider dating him (if me and Winston don't work out). The yo-yo guy is crazy talented! Next up are the old guys who are ridiculous. This act was so hilariously bizarre.

Male Singers
There are tons of nervous guys ready to sing for the judges. I think the rejects should just try out for American Idol or The Voice. There are some interesting voices, but most of them remind of the contestants of The Voice (forcing their originality). Mauricio terrifies me, he is a terrible singer. Daniel Joseph Baker is up next, and I love him already. He's wearing a bowtie and he's so wonderfully gay (in case you don't remember, I'll love any person who's gay and has struggled). Daniel has an AMAZING voice and plays the piano beautifully, even when he puts his foot on the piano. This guy is phenomenal, I want him to win, and I want to be his best friend (we'll go shopping together).

Side Note: I hate Nick Cannon. He is taking after his wife and dressing super tacky and being annoying.

Those Who Made It
•Smizey Brothers - Motocross Guys
•Fire Flipper
•Avery and the Calico Hearts (what, seriously?)
•The Tiny Rappers
•Anna Graceman
•Other Young Singer
•Landon from Alaska
•Bald Magician
•Juggler Guy Who Plays With His Balls
•Yo-Yo Guy
•Sammy the Fat Dancer
•Stripper Dancing Troupe
•Other Large Dancing Group
•Guy With Guitar
•Other Guy With Guitar
•Daniel Joseph Baker (Holy shit I almost had a heart attack thinking that he wouldn't make it! I'm already his biggest fan. Best part: he told all the people who didn't believe in him to "Kiss my fat ass.")

So, just so everyone knows, I want Daniel Joseph Baker to win. I have already declared myself His Biggest Fan (probably after his parents, of course), and he is fabulous.
To end this post, Daniel Joseph Baker, will you please be my best friend? You're clearly as awesome as I am, so this could be a great friendship (duh).
Love, Rachel

Adios, readers!

1 comment:

  1. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I can watch the best virtual strippers on my desktop.