Wednesday, July 6, 2011

America's Got Talent: Last Auditions and Some of the Top 48

Okay, so I apologize for missing America's Got Talent yesterday. My best friend Laura Mora dragged me away to attend to more important matters (like shining a laser pointer around the house).
Anywhoo, I'm back. I'll do a quick recap of the auditions, and maybe about the top 48.

First up,
The Calico Hearts No, wait, it's Avery and the Calico Hearts
Guess who the bossy one is...? So, these 8 year old girls are singing. They will be doing this forever, and will always be best friends. News flash girls: No you won't. I don't even talk to the girls I was friends with when I was 8 (they're not as cool as they were when they were 8). Sorry girls, but you need to know.
So Avery and the Calico Hearts sound perfect for Kidz Bop. Am I wrong? No. They're singing a song by The Biebster, they're a shoe-in for the pre-tween pop scene (is this a real thing?). They were decent for being 8, but it kind of resembled what I imagine my cat would sound like could she sing.
Verdict: Going to Vegas! That's the perfect place for 8 year olds to become famous.

More people that went to Vegas:
Some dude broke a bunch of wood with his forehead, and wound up splitting open his forehead. Stupid or talented? You decide. (Hint: It's not talented.)
Dezmond Meeks is a piano player/singer, and he has an inkling of talent.
Thomas John is a juggler, because he thought it would impress the ladies. Howie Mandell said it perfectly, "Nothing a lady likes more than a man who spends all day playing with his balls."
Four Play is an annoying girl group consisting of four bimbo-looking girls who play up their looks. (See how clever their name is? They're smart.)
J. Chris Newberg
This guy sings funny songs. I think he's pretty hilarious, because I love humorous singers. Speaking of singing comedians (whom I love, just to be clear), check out Stephen Lynch. He is comedy gold. And a lot funnier than J. Chris, just so you know.

King Diamond
I'm scared to see this guy perform, considering he does this at Hooters. Oh lord, I would have buzzed him as soon as the music started.
You know what I hate about this show? The audience. They shouldn't be there, because they boo people, which would suck (even if the performers deserved it).
Verdict: Triple X's

Chicago's Ultimate Tumblers
This group is amazing. They keep these kids away from gangs and drugs, and most of these kids are without one or both parents. Amazing.
Holy shit these guys are crazy! They're doing flips through the air and over a bunch of people. Whoa!!! They knocked one girls over! That would be my fear (I won't be joining this group).
Verdict: Going to Vegas!

My favorite act of the night: some guy who removed about 15 pairs of underwear. Now that's talent. Then he flashed everyone (can't he get arrested for that?).
Next up are a bunch of clips of people doing stupid things that they think make them talented. Well, they're wrong. Being stupid doesn't equal being talented (at least, not usually).

Meet Me At Fairfax and 3rd
This act consists of two really, really old guys who met during karaoke. My favorite part is one guy says, "I'm 67 and a half." (Usually people who are 1/10 his age say that.) Also, they formed a few weeks ago. I think it's time to split and then do a reunion tour.
So the younger of the two does gymnastics or something on a chair.
I'm surprised he's so flexible at 67 and a half, because usually that goes at age 67. That was truly bizarre.
Verdict: Going to Vegas! Who else is shocked?

Okay, I'm moving right along. It appears that I'll be writing about narrowing down to the Top 48, as well. You're welcome.
First, I have some thoughts about Nick Cannon: A) His pastel suits are ridiculous, and B) Why is he famous again? (I know he's married to Mariah Carey, but what else?)

Classic line said by some dude with tons of tattoos: "This is the dream I've always dreamed of." How profound.
I just want everyone to know something; If there is someone on here who is gay and has struggled I will root for them. Gay people are always my first favorites (I have a soft spot for people who have struggled or are a very discriminated against minority).

First, Piers Morgan tells ten acts to stand up (and they all have amusing names, like Squonk Opera and Captain Stab Toggo). And these people........are going straight through to Hollywood!
The Groups That Made It:
Silhouettes, Squonk Opera, Lys Agnes, Professor Splash, The Rhinestone Ropers, Fearless Flores Family (gotta love alliteration), Melissa Villasenor, Captain Stab Tuggo, Team iLluminate, and Miami All-Stars.

Okay, so here's how I'm gonna do it: I'll list those who make it, and I'll only comment on whoever I enjoyed.

People Who Made It to Hollywood (Side Note: I have on the captions so I can spell names right, and for the song playing in the background it said, "melancholy pop ballad." Classic.)
•J. Chris Newberg
•Geechy Guy - Comedian (I love comedians! I've always felt that I could go in that direction, but instead I'm sharing my comedy with my select few readers on this blog. You're welcome, readers. But he was funny.)
•Scott Alexander
•Charles Peachock - Fire Guy
•Yellow Designs Stunt Team
•Frank Miles - The Knife Guy (I thought he was going to die. Luckily he didn't.)
•Fiddle Heads - Band (Fiddle Heads?! There's a banjo, a mandolin, a bass, and a guitar. Um, check yes for me!! But, they should do original songs and they'll be ten times better.)
•Pop Life
•Those Funny Little People
•Tim Fort
•Echo the Bird (really?)
•Mona Lisa (twin sister singers)
•Fatally-Unique
•Dezmond Meeks
•Snap Boogie
•Steve - Pole Dancer (He's gay! I already love him. And he's excellent on the pole, for reals. But I do find it funny that pole dancing is on this family show, but I don't care.)
•Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr. - Singer (He belongs in a musical movie from the 50s or 60s. He's okay.)
•Dancers in fur
•Dani Shay aka Justin Bieber's Twin Sister - Singer/Songwriter (Funny story: My mom told me, "There's this girl who looks like she could be Bieber's sister." I was confused at first, but not anymore. She wrote her own song! Unfortunately, she choked with that. Luckily, she did a cover of "Trouble" and ROCKED it! Dani has an awesome voice.)
Separated at birth? I think yes.

1 comment:

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