The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All

Okay everyone, it's time for The Bachelorette, The Men Tell All. Yipee.

They started out with a clip of Chris and Ashley talking about a bunch of random crap. From the Masked Menace to Mr. Sunshine, they covered all of the subjects of the show. But the most discussed topic was Bentley (apparently he's controversial). Ashley wanted to let people know that she saw a great side of him, even though his ex-wife contacted her and said Bentley is a douche bag. I'm shocked at how dumb Ashley was about that.

After the commercial break, Chris and Ashley discussed the unseen moments. This was easily the best part of the whole season. They showed Mickey Mouse being a wine goddess in Vegas (someone who fetches the wine, hanging on a harness and rope). He put the harness on and said "my manhood is in my stomach." Classic moment. Holy crap!!!! The producers of The Bachelorette must have read my blog, because they noticed the penis shaped decor in her hotel room. That was a great moment, and I think it calls for another view of that picture, along with my genius caption.

I spy with my little eye something...that looks like a penis!

I'm going to comment on all of the dumb stuff. Just so you guys know.

Important Observation: The Masked Menace is not very attractive without his mask. He should just keep that on.
Also, they showed Squilliam imitating George W. Bush, it was hilarious. Even if he does act like a catty girl at times. Oh my lord... When all of these guys are talking (or rather bitching) about William, they sound like the jealous women on the Bachelor. They need to chill out.
All the guys trashed on Mr. Sunshine, and they compared him to a camp counselor. I don't see an issue with that comparison.

Poor Squilliam, he's about to be completely ripped into by the guys. While watching the clips of his "comedy," he plugged his ears (from embarrassment). Then he made a "funny and self-depricating" comment that made everyone left, even me. Some guy said, "So why are we here?" Then William said, "Because none of us can find a girl to date." Classic moment.

He really effed this one up, huh?

Next up, Ryan P., Mr. Sunshine, was pulled into the hotseat. It's gonna get intense. Hmm... I wonder why Ryan was sent home? Oh, I know, maybe because he talked about water heaters on a date! The last time I did that, I was totally denied. Lesson learned. Oh, Mr. Sunshine also bought a bunch of books that he read before going on the show. (As West said, "So you're saying this was like a math test?" That was great. PS: After hearing hisn name I fell in love with it, so one day I might have a child named West. Wait and see!) I now don't like Ryan. He's rather annoying.

Chris Harrison reminded Ames how he not only failed at a fight, but also failed at getting Ashley. How kind. Ames discussed how he wanted to take things slow (dumb, this show takes place in the matter of a month or something) and he thought Ashley was perfect, so he was shocked when he went home. Luckily, he's a better person for it. Phew, that means that he'll truly understand love when he joins the cast of The Bachelor Pad 2 (another quality show).

I look like a well-educated Ken doll.

"Let's talk about Bentley." Cue the boos. Oh, America, you've fed right into the producers' trap of hating this man. That is the only reason he's on the show, so everyone has someone to hate. All of the guys bashed on Bentley too, which is so strange since he was such a sweet, honest man! The best part about him is that he named his daughter Cozy (I wouldn't trust somebody who did that).
Then Chris pulled up Michelle, the one who warned Ashley about the douche baggery of Bentley. I think it's so dumb that she even trusted him. Seriously, Ashley is the dumbest bachelorette ever.

Okay, so then Ashley came out onstage, noticeably without an engagement ring (ooh, drama). Why does this show still continue when only ONE couple has ever stayed married, never mind engaged??
Now the guys are asking Ashley dumb questions, or making her feel like shit. Look, it's not her fault, the producers determined almost everything. Mr. Sunshine cheesed it up by thanking Ashley for being awesome (even though she isn't).

I'm so ready for this show to be over... But then, to make it worse, they've invited back 2 of the 3 most annoying bachelors/bachelorettes ever (Ali and DeAnna, just so it's clear), and they all look ridiculously tan and orange. Is Ali still engaged? I'm not really sure. I hate DeAnna, literally hate that girl. She is so annoying, and she "broke the heart" of Jesse who is from my home state, so naturally I sided with him. Observation: it appeared that Jason had on a wedding ring. Oh wait, he's married to Molly?! Say what?
Those are the only important things that happened. Everything else was stupid advice they were giving Ashley, and trying to make her seem better than she is (we all know how annoying she is, come on).

Here comes my absolute favorite part of the entire season: the funny moments we didn't see (the best ever will still be from Jillian's season). Also, it turns out that Ashley is a lot funnier than they made her out to be on the show. I love bloopers, on any show.

That's all, folks. Tomorrow night will be the season finale, and I can't wait (because I'll finally be able to stop watching this!), so tune in to my blog.